Last Shenanigans dating tips... Vol 3: Adorable

In the past most dating tips have been rather one sided, leaning more towards the abusive man and not the... cuddley man. Here I have devised an all new guide for such man to court young mistresses as they dance and play through the wonders of modern day society, while keeping safe and STD free of course.

1. If you find yourself attracted to a lady dont hesistate to approach her, chat with her, become friends, nay! Acquaintances! Be sure to sound and act confident, as women love confidence... almost as much as they love... flowers.


2. Bring your sweety some beautiful flowers, real flowers not plastic ones. You want to avoid women who like plastic. Make sure their flowers smell sweeter than a thousand honeybees. Ladies like their flowers to smell as nice as possible when they have company over. So you should learn to like the smell of flowers too. Awwww.


3. First dates are always tough you can never be too careful about how you act. Try to stay on your best behavior. Take her out to a movie. Most women don't like going on movies for a first date, but they'll agree to go because they know your a man and your poor little brain can't think of much else, and they forgive you. Thanks ladies.


4. Dates don't always go as planned though, maybe you picked the wrong girl for you. Or maybe shes a little too "in charge". Not to worry, another benefit of going to the movie's is that the movies are also an easy place to slip out of unnoticed. Exits are located at the exit signs, under the exit lights, near the exits.


5. If all goes well in a few days you'll be heading to meet the parents. Don't worry pal, I've got you covered.

-Fathers come in two varieties:

A. The uncaring dad whos busier with his work to care if his daughters late, and we're not talking 11p.m. late.





We're talking LATE





B. The over caring dad, who in the secret of night follows you in his volvo. Either way Fathers are usually very easy to warm up to, as they also are shallow men. Check out the fridge find out what beer he likes, buy him a pack and convince him he should hang out with the guys more. Matter of fact dad... what do you think the guys are doing right now? Probably smelling your families flowers. Tee hee!

Mom's are another case: While they are female just like your lovely lady Mom's tend to (but not always) be an older woman frustrated with a family she didn't want and a husband who spends too much time drinking and hanging out with his friends.






This my friends, is what we've been training for.

Try to get some alone time with mom, get to know her see if shes happy with her life as a dirty old housemaid. Most women aren't, but they do it anyways. Why? who knows, we don't do it.

If she appears to be longing for something else you may be in buisness, this woman could feel so lonely and unloved she'd be willing to give some guy all the head he can eat and never ask for anything in return. Start off with small signs letting her know your interested, a good ice breaker goes something like "So Mrs. Peterson, do you like dick in your mouth?" Gauge her reaction carefully but don't fret, a woman in her mid 40's with a husband like that could only have a thirst for one thing. Semen.


6. A few days later your "girlfriend" might come calling you wanting an explination and accusating you of irrational actions. Simply stay calm, and tell the bitch to make you some tortellini with wild mushrooms and green garlic. If she starts to sound overly rude (which most bitches do) feel free to slap her around (open fist, as a warning shot) let her know whos boss, who paid for that shitty fucking movie? Thats right son, you did. Fuck her ass up.

7. If all goes well she'll call the police and they'll ask you how you ever put up with such a whiny hoe-snatch. They'll remove you just to shut her the fuck up and after that your free. You may have the issue of her stalking you... calling you... pulling all that still being in love. Whatever you do, don't beat her anymore. Unfortunatly at this point kicking her ass only makes her more obsessed. Just tell her you love her too and you need some cash to get your act straight.




Rinse, Repeat