Dorsal Slit Murphy

Dorsal Slit Murphy as Epic Pose Man
















...sorry Nick.

Joshin' with Jason

Pt. 2

I won’t be getting to my little piece on the Contoller tonight after-all. Quite a bit has been said here, and I think we might need to back off a bit…

…BUT FIRST!:

“Evan, if you think this is what I mean about hardcore, competitive gamers, then you are sadly disconnected from the PC gaming community and have fallen victim to a long dead stereo type.”

That is not what I think of when I refer to “hardcore gamers” although they would certainly fit into that category. As far as my level of disconnection…yes. I am disconnected from those individuals who think that they can’t have a both enjoyable and competitive game experience on anything BUT a PC. We’re quibbling over what is realistically a one-sided argument. How many “Console Gamers” do you know? I don’t think I know any…and I play a hell of a lot of console games. You never hear of someone say something to the effect of, “I’d never touch a PC for gaming, that’s just crazy-talk. How could you possibly have any fun sitting at a computer for hours on end?” I haven’t. Sure, there are people that don’t game on their PCs, but that’s not because they are anti-PC gamers.

“This is what happens when you try to have a discussion with Console gamers, they immediately feel attacked as if somebody somewhere said that Consoles suck and you are a lesser person for preferring them over PC gaming ..

Some of these retorts, while possibly valid for some other discussion, aren’t even close to the initial discussion presented …Most likely because there are no REAL valid arguments to shut down the points of our fearless author (IE.Bob), since most are simply mathematically factual, so some backdoor tactic of arbitrary irrelevant arguments are thrown forth.

So to those people, I leave you with this ..”

What is what happens? You get a counterpoint to nearly every aspect of your posts? What’s the point of asking the question or voicing your opinion if your too “set in your ways” to ever hear the other side of the argument? If someone is going to take the time to write a well-worded and informed article on the world of PC and Console FPS, should one NOT respond in kind with counter-points to the majority of the article. I don’t think any of my arguments were off-base, and they certainly weren’t arbitrary, irrelevant or back-door. You need to consult dictionary.com and find some different adjectives. If you’d like, I can fire up my PS3 and send you a nice screen-shot of the site in 50” of glorious HD, right from the comfort of my couch, or chair, or carpet, or even toilet if I so choose.

If you are under the impression that I feel attacked in any way, then you are under the wrong impression. This article wasn’t written to attack anyone. It’s an opinion piece…and a valid one at that. Your kind words however, are spoken like a true PC Elitist. There’s plenty of “attack” in your little jab at us foolish console morons. I know what you are going to say… “I play consoles all the time!” A) Sure you do, sure you do. B) I guess that makes you the resident expert then doesn’t it. I’m very sorry that I like to AIM my reticle and pull a trigger when I want to simulate shooting someone. Throwing out funny Billy Madison quotes isn’t going to prove whatever point your little diatribe was trying to get across. If you truly feel dumber after having read what I’ve written, it’s probably because the bulk of it went over your head. Believe me, I can throw out movie quotes with the best of ‘em, but frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn. Oop, there I went and did it! Back to my point on the article being an opinion piece, that is where the discussion should end. I’ll get to it as soon as you inevitably (I like that word) read the next paragraph(insert punctuation here)

Furthermore, I don’t see how myself or especially Nick could ever, EVER be labeled as “Console Gamers”. That’s nonsense. How about the simple title “GAMER”, because that’s what we are… Gamers. Tried and true. I have played just as many games on the PC as I have on consoles in my life. Hell, I wasn’t even allowed to have consoles as a child. My entire gaming experience growing up was on a 286 with a monochrome sepia colored monitor that was originally intended for night-time CCTV surveillance. It was a huge deal when I got my first CGA color monitor. Where in the World is Carmen San Diego never looked so good! We’re coming to the crux of what this is all really about. Because I don’t LIMIT myself to playing exclusively on a PC for FPS(only one very specific genre mind you), I’m what’s known in PC circles as the dreaded “Console Gamer?” That doesn’t make sense. That’s like your mildly racist Great Aunt telling you that you shouldn’t have a black friend because “he’s one of ‘those’ boys.” Don’t think that I don’t understand what you’re getting at. I understand the culture of clan based gaming. I understand the culture of owning/operating private servers. I get it, I really do. I’m all for it actually, it’s good fun had by all.

“To experience the full potential of this competitive genre, one needs to play First Person Shooters as they were originally intended, on a PC.”

Nope. To experience the full potential of this competitive genre, you need to play First Person Shooters on ALL available platforms; as they are NOW and have always been intended. Not just so you have a more informed opinion, but because in order to get the “Full Potential” out of anything, you need to experience it…well…

…fully.

-UncleHerpie

Just in case...

As I’m sure everyone will agree, this DEBATE didn’t start here and it darn sure isn’t going to end here. There are however, many points that can be made on both sides as to the superiority of this or that. What we need to establish is exactly what we’re arguing about.

When you talk about “hardcore” and “competitive” gameplay, are you only referring to these extremist individuals who can be found on any given night, huddling in front of their monitors with bloodshot eyes, cervicalgia, carpal tunnel and more Mountain Dew than even I can realistically drink? If that’s what we’re talking about then we are on two different wavelengths. Let’s be honest. For THESE people, FPS games are just an extension of their RPG mindsets. They look at their “rigs” as gear that they can aquire to enhance their capabilities. Video Cards and RAM have become the “Helms of Imperceptible Detail” and the “Boots of Indomitable Framerate.” This leads me to question where the “competition” actually is. Does having better gear make you a better player? No. No it does not. All is does is give you an edge over another player. The competition becomes more between one person’s dedication and/or finances and another’s.

I consider myself a “competitive gamer”, in that I play to win. I don’t know if I would consider myself “hardcore” per se, but I’m probably borderline. However, if I’m in the right mode, or if I’m fired up about a game…I’ll cross that line in a heartbeat. There’s the other side of me that takes these games for what they are…GAMES. That may seen like a cliché’ and generic argument for the subject at hand, but let me get to my point. Games were intended to be many things, and competition is certainly part of that. It’s not however the most important part. There are SOOOO many factors into what makes a great FPS great. The burden of this responsibility rests on the shoulders of the developers, not on the platform in which the games are played on. That being said, the argument can be made that console FPS’s (of which there ARE fewer quality titles), can be, and in some cases ARE more enjoyable, entertaining, innovative and immersive.

I’m gonna try to confine my points to some basic broad topics and not re-hash much of what has already been said.

ORIGINS

The origins of FPS games is NOT found in PC lore. Not at all. FPS games got their start where nearly ALL games did, right in your good ol’ neighborhood arcades. You can try to argue that the playability of arcade shooters inevitably led to home versions of similar themed games, which in turn found a home on the PC. Let’s look at this though. Consider the interfaces of both the PC and your average home gaming console. Which of these more closely resembles that of the original arcade shooters?

These origins, which were loosely implemented on the NES and Sega Master System had one fundamental flaw…Free Roaming (specifically the lack thereof). Light guns and blasters aside, the object of these games was to place the gamer in the shoes of the character they control on-screen. (i.e. a First Person Shooter) Now, because these games were on a rail-system, that is to say that one couldn’t veer off the set path as dictated by the game “engine” and the storyline; their immersion was limited. There needed to be a fundamental change in the way these games are played. How was this achieved? I think this question will lead us all to the same inevitable conclusion…the PC. Why was this? Well, let’s face it. The Consoles of the day simply could not and should not have tried to do what needed to be done to take the FPS genre to the next level. Along comes DOOM (or Wolfenstein 3D if you really want to be picky). Id software clearly redefined shooters into what we now consider to be the modern FPS. So yes, the modern FPS can trace its roots right back to the 386’s of yesteryear. But just as they made the jump from arcade to PC, it would only be a matter of time before the jump was made to the home console.

We can start name dropping for this game and that, and compile a list that will most likely favor that of the PC. That, in and of itself does not negate any argument that a console gamer may have as to the validity of his/her claim that a FPS can be better on an XBOX or a PSX. All we have is a list of titles on various formats. Unfortunately, it is difficult to find a suitable analogy in another medium. I can’t say that a movie was more enjoyable on Laserdisc than it was on my Betamax, but I can say that I didn’t have to rewind my laserdisc… See, it just doesn’t work. For every DOOM 2, there’s a Redneck Rampage. Conversely, for every GoldenEye, there’s a South Park FPS(the S is for snowball btw).

Let’s talk about GoldenEye for a bit. I know you said that you had played it, and for good reason. It was great. Undeniably great. It has some intangible qualities to it that I can’t even put words to. Licensing aside, why wasn’t Perfect Dark able to live up to it? It improved on GoldenEye in nearly every conceivable way except one: a story that people played INTO, not just a story that people played through. Aside from that, Perfect Dark was a remarkable achievement in the development of console FPS technology. We’re back to where we started. While Perfect Dark was turning heads in one direction, there was Quake to kick everything in the @$$. Another instant classic that was responsible, DIRECTLY responsible for the development of other good PC FPS games. The quake engine was instrumental in the FPS dominance of the 90’s. Why? Why was it able to do this? Technology. Again, the argument of technological limitations lends itself to your perspective. Again, however… I can argue that GIVEN the technical limitations, great console FPS titles can overcome these boundaries and provide us with a more enjoyable and thus greater gaming experience.

MULTIPLAYER

Here’s where we bring out the big guns. The birth of Multiplayer was on the home console. 2 or 4 player split-screen in your friend’s basement till the sun comes up; we all remember it. You didn’t have your friend come over all the time so you could take turns playing Doom. It simply wasn’t possible. This catered itself to being a more social experience, which in-turn had more of an impact on your run-of-the-mill gamers. It wasn’t just nerds playing single player games on their PCs. I mean, jeez…even Atari was multiplayer! I digress…what we’re really talking about here is Online Multiplayer. Once more, we find that the roots of this fundamental quality of modern FPS are found on the PC. We can go over the advent of this, and the implementation of that… but it won’t settle anything on the grand-scale. For all intents and purposes, we can agree that PC and console multiplayer are dissimilar but comparable entities, each with their own pros and cons. XBOX Live has “Matchmaking” which works extremely well, especially considering the sheer numbers of gamers on-line at any given moment. PC games have independent and privately-hosted servers…which is awesome. This however, opens up avenues for further debate. Modded content is a double-edged sword. It can lead the way to great things(Counter Strike) and very, very bad things(cheating, hacking, unfair modding, aim-bots, etc…). This will be much easier to talk about in person. I don’t think I have it in me to type about all this. Come to think of it, I’m already starting to get irritable and uncomfortable from sitting at this sweet Alienware PC for so long… I sure wish I was on my comfortable couch with a controller in my hands…

Tune in tomorrow folks, where if permitted, I will detail the advantages of the console’s “CONTROLLER” over the PC’s emotionally detached, third-person, non-realistic and alarmingly business-like interface. It should be a doozie, and unless you walk around thinking to yourself “W” “A” “S” “D” to get you from one place to another, I think I’ll win you over…

-UncleHerpie

Three of a Kind

LOS ANGELES (AP) -- Just when it seemed Michael Richards was about to leave the most troubling incident of his career behind, his publicist is having to explain how the comic could consider himself to be Jewish. Todd Geiger of Watertown, MA, is left wondering, "Why would someone WANT to consider themselves Jewish in the first place?" Stating that raising Jewish children, "really sucks."

Last week, crisis-management expert Howard Rubenstein acknowledged that Richards had shouted anti-Semitic remarks in an April standup comedy routine - well before his appearance earlier this month in which he harangued hecklers with the n-word. But he defended Richards' language about Jews, saying that the comic "is Jewish. He's not anti-Semitic at all. He was role-playing." This came as a big disappointment to Geiger(22), after becoming such a fan of the racially charged comedian. "I was really let down by this... I thought that I had finally found a somewhat mainstream comedian with the guts to expose the Jews for what they are. Up until this point I was limited to searching the internet and through mail order outlets to find this type of comedy." Geiger is one of the few actual "subscribers" to the various Nazi Publications often found on front lawns across America. "Yeah, that's where I first became involved. To think that media like that was freely distributed by one of these great Nazi-American publishers."

As Rubenstein's assertion circulated, Jewish organizations and commentators pointed out that the man who played Cosmo Kramer on "Seinfeld" has not converted to Judaism and neither of his parents are Jewish.

Which makes him ...

"Technically, not having been born by blood as Jewish and not formally going into a conversion, it was purely his interpretation of having adopted Judaism as a religion," "I now know, that because of the Liberal Jew-Run Media, that Mr. Richards was clearly trying to salvage his burgeoning career by apologizing for his comments. It's a shame that a stand-up man like Michael Richards has to sully his reputation by sucking up to the Jew sympathizers.", said Geiger after hearing this information.

What do some Jews think? "Who cares?!", shouts Todd from another room.

"You can't feel Jewish. It's not a matter of feeling. You can convert to Judaism. You can't not convert to Judaism and then be Jewish," said Rabbi Marvin Hier, founder and dean of the Simon Wiesenthal Center in Los Angeles.

Hier defined being Jewish from two perspectives, if someone hasn't gone through the process of formal conversion.

"From the Orthodox point of view, if that person has a Jewish mother, he would be considered Jewish," Hier said. "In the Reform tradition, there's also a patrilineage. Under those categories, he would not fit."

Rabbi Mark S. Diamond of the 280-member Board of Rabbis of Southern California agreed.

"There are many people who appreciate Jewish customs, who may embrace aspects of Jewish culture and practice, but that does not make them Jewish," he said.

After his tirade came to light, Richards apologized on David Letterman's "Late Show" on CBS, saying his remarks were sparked by anger at being heckled, not bigotry. He also apologized to the Rev. Al Sharpton, and apologized Sunday on the Rev. Jesse Jackson's syndicated radio program.

Rubenstein said Richards wasn't available for an interview Tuesday.

"He wants to rest," the publicist said. "He's been talking to his psychiatrist."

NEW YORK (AP) -- Though he's lost many fans after being captured on video hurling racist epithets at a comedy club audience, Michael Richards has an ally: Mel Gibson. "I felt like sending Michael Richards a note," Gibson says in an interview in Entertainment Weekly's Dec. 8 issue.

"I feel really badly for the guy. He was obviously in a state of stress. You don't need to be inebriated to be bent out of shape. But my heart went out to the guy."

The 50-year-old actor-director added: "They'll probably torture him for a while and then let him go. I like him."

After his Nov. 17 tirade became known, Richards apologized on David Letterman's "Late Show" on CBS, saying his remarks were sparked by anger at being heckled, not bigotry. He also apologized to the Rev. Al Sharpton and on the Rev. Jesse Jackson's syndicated radio program.

Gibson, star of the "Lethal Weapon" movies and director of "The Passion of the Christ," was mired in a scandal of his own this summer for anti-Semitic comments he made to police in Malibu, Calif., during his arrest on suspicion of drunken driving. He publicly apologized.

Are people refusing to work with him?

"No, people aren't like that," Gibson tells the magazine. "Those are just the headlines: Mel ostracized by Hollywood! Hollywood is what you make it. There is no great pooh-bah up there saying, `Go! You are condemned!'"


His new movie, "Apocalypto," from The Walt Disney Co.'s Touchstone Pictures, opens Dec. 8. It is a Mayan-language epic filmed in Mexico chronicling the decline of the native civilization.

He's confident his past remarks will not hurt the movie at the box office.

"It's primarily entertainment," he says of his production. "An 18-year-old college guy, out with his buddies, he's going to get into the chase. The movie will stand on its own, regardless of any unfortunate experience I may have stumbled upon."

"I'm going to see it, so long as those damn Weinstein's aren't involved. I'm glad to see that someone (Mel) has the guts to take on these Jew Bastards by directing and producing his own projects. Screw you Spielberg!", adds Geiger in closing.

MySpace import - Things are afoot...

So, I had 217 Friend requests in a span of about 2 minutes...I'm gonna go ahead and guess that I'm NOT that popular, and it is one of many myspace spam attacks.  That aside, here is what everyone has been waiting for...


(by "everyone" I mean noone")

Work, we all do it...wait...no we don't...I happen to know AT LEAST 2 people who don't work at all.  One of which I have used and abused over the last couple weeks.  Granted, I have paid for every meal, drink, treat, bag of beef jerky, concert ticket, and movie ticket during this period I have used him nevertheless.  I figure, if he has no job, I should make him work right?

Anyway, I'm just gonna create a new paragraph to separate my train of thought from the caboose of a subject that is Todd...I mean...the aformentioned individual.  My real topic is WORK.  As many of you know...I have been doing a shit-ass-big cockhole-motherload of a hell of a lot of it lately.  Many days are topping off between 12-17 hours.  Many of you are either actively trying to convince me to drop the lesser of the 2 jobs, or at the very least wondering when I will quit said job.  I'm gonna highlight my thoughts on the matter.

Is it alot of work? Yes.  Is it taking it's toll on me, both physically and mentally? Yes.  Do I enjoy working 2 jobs? No.  Will I continue to do so regardless of how I feel about it? Yes.  The fact is, I still need the money...and I CAN still gut it out and work both jobs.  As crappy and annoying as the PetCo situation has gotten, what with the new management/old crapagement, and the recent hiring of multiple new employees.  I'll continue to work there until I either can't physically do it anymore or until it becomes so annoying that it is no longer worth devoting my energy to do so.  Let's be honest, that place would be hopeless without someone with shipment night experience and the straight physical abilty to facilitate the necessary tasks AND heavy lifting that those nights entail.  Otherwise Robert would have to do the whole thing himself.  Nice guy that I am, I don't want to force that situation on anyone.  While, it is not as it once was...there is still that small degree of social interaction on those nights.  We have it pretty much down to a science, and we can afford to get a tad ridiculous at times.  It is rather odd that there is a new face there every week, and yet I've only SEEN the manager like 3 times.  I've never spoken to her at legnth, and she works very few hours.  There are some newer employees that have been promoted to "team lead" or "lead sales associate" or some crap, and I'm just waiting for the day they tell me to do someting and I refuse.  The way I see it, my duties there have dwindled down to simply working the shipments.  I don't even wear my petco shirt anymore, because I only work after-hours.  R.I.P Satanoperca Acuticeps ("Devil's Perch Cichlid" for you laypeople)

Now, for lighter topics...

Sun. August 13th is Locobazooka.  I suggest purchasing tickets for the event.  Bands include: Ra, Days of The New, Buckcherry, Wicked Wisdom (Jada Pinkett-Smith's rock band...), and finally ALICE IN CHAINS!  They will be accompanied by a plethora of local and unsigned bands.  We went last year and it was a good time and a good show.  I'm not going to rant about fucking BOLTON, MA...the shittiest crap-town that ever shitted crap.  Fuckers.

*grumbles*

There will be some good music, probably some food/drink, and one can hope...boobs.  So, get your tickets and we cal all go as a big group.  So far there are 8 of us going. Go to ticketmaster.com or locobazooka.com for more info.  So that's that, take it for what it's worth...jerks.

P.S.      FUCK BOLTON!

New cars are better...

Step 1: Get a new car {check}
Step 2: Get a new Job {check}
Step 3: Get a new Girlfriend
Step 4: Get out of Debt

1/2 way there bitches!

For those wondering...it was a 2005 Nissan Sentra Special Edition.



Get this video and more at MySpace.com

V for Vendetta

Remember, remember, the fifth of November,

The gunpowder treason and plot.

I know of no reason why gunpowder treason

Should ever be forgot.

Suck my Hiatus!

Hey, screw you! I can't be expected to update this thing all the time. So, I'll fill you in with recent happenings. They are as follows:

1) I started one of those MySpace thingamajobbers. UncleHerpie's MySpace
So, if you are reading this, and are NOT my friend... Get with the times!


...jerk.

2)I got so amazingly sick, that I thought I was going to die. I even had my first experience with hallucinating on one of the nights. For whatever reason, I thought that everything I did had a bearing on World Events, including but not limited to; commerce and peace. I even had to arrange the pillows on my bed, of which there are many, in a certain way. The scary part about hallucinating is when you catch yourself doing it. Fuck that, it was perhaps the worst night of my life...which makes me wonder why people take drugs to INDUCE that hellish nightmare! So, in one of my sane moments I decided to take a shower, because as we all know, a good shower can probably cure cancer. That being said, cancer ain't got nothing on whatever the fuck I had. So I started with a hot shower, but I had a fever, and couldn't even feel it. I know it was hot as shit, because the steam was abundant. I changed my temperature to a cooler one, and sat down in the shower. This seemed to work a little better, and I was able to mutter to myslef, utterly naked, that it was mind over matter, and I wasn't going crazy. To make matters worse, whatever I had was graciously passed on to Andrew, who in turn, thought he was a piece of furniture. To cap it all off (beware...gross), I had one lovely morning where I had the honor of experiencing a mass evacuation of various bodily fluids. I got up to go the bathroom, when I promptly realized that I was going to vomit (which is VERY rare for me), luckily my bathtub is directly in front of my toilet. I was able to lean forward and vomit my entire stomach contents, namely Tang, into the tub. The convulsions of my vomiting then made by bowels violently evacuate themselves, followed by the loss of bladder control. Keep in mind, at this point I still had a fever, and all this activity was making me sweat quite profusely. Couple that with the tears and snot and spit and mucus that came along with the vomiting, and you have yourself a lovely mental image. At the end of my "episode", I almost laughed...almost. I was like a fucking joke, only it wasn't very funny.

3) The Job situation is starting to look up, as I've started my management training at PetCo. As much as I love being an "Aquatic Specialist", it's all about the money at this point. I also have a potential opportunity as a sales rep for Polar Beverages, which would also alot me a decent vehicle expense compensation package. Man, it would be nice to drive a car that HAS an exhaust system.

4) I lost a shit-ton of my cichlids due to the ever popular Malawi Flesh-Eating Bacteria. Funny thing is, it didn't limit itself to killing my Malawi Cichlids...it was a non-discriminative flesh-eating bacteria apparantly. I won't bother listing all the deaths, let's just say it was significant. All in all, I'd say I lost about 30 fish.

5) After much delay, Andrew, Affie, and I have finally begun watching "Bleach", and so far so good. I can tell it's gonna be a badass series. It has the sweet duality thing going, you know...funny AND badass.

6) I also started my own nation at NationStates.net. If you haven't already done so, DO so! When you get started, look for the region "Once Forgotten" and join our amalgamation of nations. The password to get in is: "password"

The Borderlands of Clamtasia
Now get to it...fucker.

7) I hate you Todd.

Bank of America can suck my balls.

ME:
At some point, shouldn't the card have been shut off or
restricted? I can take the blame for overdrawing my account initially,
as I seem to have thought I had more money than I actually had. But to
hit me with 8 overdraft fees totalling upwards of $250 is a little too
much to grasp. If you'll notice, the majority of the charges were very
small (i.e. $2.76), as I was simply buying a drink and a candy bar at
work, not knowing that it was costing me $36. I NEVER received ANY
notice until Dec. 24th, at which point it was far too late. All in all,
this situation could easily have been avoided. I would appreciate any
help on the matter. Thank you.

Evan Dumas

p.s. Should I contact my branch manager?

---

B.o.A:

Thank you for your inquiry dated 12/27/05 regarding Regular Checking -
0277 Overdraft Protection. Your concerns are very important to us.

Although we are not obligated to pay an item presented if your account
does not have sufficient funds, we may pay it as a courtesy. This
occurrence may warrant an insufficient funds or overdraft fee to be
assessed to your account.

Also note that we are unable to refund any overdraft fees for two or
more occurrences unless the overdraft fee is due to a bank error. Our
research indicates the fees were applied correctly and no error
occurred. Unfortunately, we are unable to provide you with a refund.

We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused. If we may be
of further assistance, please contact us again by e-mail.

Sincerely,

{blank} Winslet
Bank of America

---

ME:

I understand that it was my error that first allowed the account to be
overdrawn. However, I was not even given NOTICE until 10 days after it
happened, nor was the card shut off to PREVENT such charges from
continuing. On top of that, you then asessed a "monthly maintenence fee AND hit me with another overdraft charge for it! I'm usually not one to make ¨threats¨, but I simply cannot afford to have such a thing happen again. I'm sorry to say that I may
begin looking into other banking possibilities in order to prevent it.

---

B.o.A:

Thank you for your inquiry dated 1/11/06 regarding Re: Regular Checking
- 0277 Overdraft Protection.

We apologize for the inconvenience. As of June 1, 2005, overdraft or
insufficient funds fees are assessed against your account based on the
number of overdraft fee occurrences on your account as shown below:

- 1 occurrence: $19.00 per item
- 2-4 occurrences: $31.00 per item
- 5+ occurrences: $34.00 per item

An occurrence refers to the number of days that an overdraft or
insufficient funds item presented against your account during the
preceding 12-month period. The rolling 12-month period includes the
current calendar month plus the previous 12 calendar months.

We are unable to refund any overdraft fees for two or more occurrences
unless the overdraft fee is due to a bank error. Our research indicates
the fees were applied correctly and no error occurred. Unfortunately,
we are unable to provide you with a refund.

If we may be of further assistance, please contact us again by e-mail.
Thank you for choosing Bank of America.

Sincerely,

{blank} Barnett
Bank of America

---

ME:

I understand the policy, I'm telling you that I don't agree with the implementation. It was clearly an effort to usurp the funds for the benefit of the bank, rather than for the "protection" of the account holder. I lost $300 on candy bars! Thank you for ruining Christmas.

---

Am I out of line here? I never expected the actual president of Bank of America to actually respond to my email, but I did expect one of the customer service jabronies to get back to me. After about a week (they said 12 hours), I finally got a response, and it said the same shit as the last customer service goon's reply. Overdraft "protection" my hairy, white ass! Fuckers.

Fuck you!

I have a question for NUA...


Where the Fuch is everyone?!

This is getting ridiculous...Even I can't play like I used to, but at least I try...at least I make an effort to make my presence felt.

Nick, you sorry sonofabitch, you need a goddamn intervention..and your girlfriend is no friggin' help because she's as pathetically addicted as you are. You weak, weak bastard. This new playlist update even favors your style of play, but NO, you spend you time porking helpless, pre-pubescent orcs. F'ing sicko.

I can't blame Flurb for jumping ship again...but I will. At least SS is f'ing playing the game, which is more than I can say for us.

Reap's going to be out-to-sea with all his "sailor-pals in uniform". So, at least he has an excuse...it's homorific, but it's still an excuse.

Todd is a little bitch, and has been milking the MAC address crap for about 3 months now. You sack of s#!+.

Alerys' semester is coming to an end on Tues., he has expressed interest in returning, albeit under a different name.

Sonic, Kitty, Guardo, Froggie, and Ronnie are all part-timers...and I suppose they should be scolded. ASSHOLES!

Dunbar is probably on his way here, but it takes him so goddamn long to do ANYTHING, he just hasn't arrived yet. When he does, noone will care...because he sucks and he's slow.

Edible Mustache seems to have gotten through his recent fad, and gone back to having sex...constantly.

If all this made you wonder if I was leaving NUA, then I feel sorry for you. Let's face it... I AM NUA for the time being.


fuckers.

An Ode to the Turkey...

It's Thanksgiving...the ONLY holiday that's really worth celebrating. It's a completely secular holiday, built around family, and ther eis no big marketing scam pushing products on unsuspecting buyers. It a time for eating...a time for Football...but mostly a time for eating. Eating Turkey. And then there's some people who just don't get it... Here is a transcript of a discussion I had with one of these individuals...

UncleHerpie (11:49:28 PM): Turkey this!
my sn is nika (11:49:35 PM): *dodges*
my sn is nika (11:49:44 PM): nah, i don't want some bird flu, thanks.
UncleHerpie (11:50:12 PM): please tell me you are not forgoing thanksgiving turkey because of bird flu...
my sn is nika (11:50:29 PM): i'm having ham for thanksgiving
UncleHerpie (11:50:52 PM): you sadden me.
my sn is nika (11:51:21 PM): good.
UncleHerpie (11:51:53 PM): ham....pfffptt
my sn is nika (11:52:15 PM): honey glazed ham from that one ham store = ohsodamngood
UncleHerpie (11:52:52 PM): I hope a turkey pecks you repeatedly on your way to the ham store
my sn is nika (11:53:11 PM): too late
my sn is nika (11:53:15 PM): already have the ham here
UncleHerpie (11:53:30 PM): then I hope you get the hog flu
my sn is nika (11:54:14 PM): there's no hog flu
UncleHerpie (11:54:45 PM): ...that you know of
my sn is nika (11:55:06 PM): no, i know for a fact that there's no hog flu
UncleHerpie (11:55:16 PM): you know nothing of the sort!
my sn is nika (11:55:32 PM): that's because it's not in the news unlike the bird flu!
UncleHerpie (11:55:51 PM): oh, so only things that are on the news are factual?
my sn is nika (11:56:01 PM): i never said that
UncleHerpie (11:56:05 PM): mmm hmmm
my sn is nika (11:56:11 PM): you said that.
UncleHerpie (11:56:11 PM): victory is mine!
my sn is nika (11:56:18 PM): there's no victory!
UncleHerpie (11:56:29 PM): then why am I celebrating?!
my sn is nika (11:56:43 PM): because you celebrate for no reason
UncleHerpie (11:56:49 PM): I do not
my sn is nika (11:56:54 PM): hahaha
my sn is nika (11:56:58 PM): now you're in denial
UncleHerpie (11:57:05 PM): although tomorrow is thanksgiving...which is reason enough to celebrate
my sn is nika (11:57:13 PM): yeah, but that's tomorrow
my sn is nika (11:57:19 PM): so celebrate tomorrow, not today
my sn is nika (11:57:37 PM): and by today, i mean in pacific standard time
UncleHerpie (11:57:44 PM): correction....west coaster
UncleHerpie (11:57:48 PM): yeah
UncleHerpie (11:57:54 PM): I can celebrate all I want
my sn is nika (11:58:06 PM): yeah because i said, you celebrate for no reason
UncleHerpie (11:58:24 PM): no, because technically...it IS Thanksgiving
my sn is nika (11:58:57 PM): so you shouldn't celebrate, but instead, be thankful... of stuff...
UncleHerpie (11:58:59 PM): and I'm gonna have Thanksgiving food, while you are eating Christmas/Easter food
my sn is nika (11:59:24 PM): sure....
my sn is nika (12:05:55 AM): oh yeah, happy thanksgiving there...
UncleHerpie (12:07:52 AM): indeed
my sn is nika (12:08:33 AM): soo... what the heck are you thankful for??!??! HUH!??!?!?
UncleHerpie (12:09:48 AM): ...turkeys
UncleHerpie (12:10:02 AM): ...casserole
UncleHerpie (12:10:06 AM): ...potatoes
UncleHerpie (12:10:23 AM): ummm...biscuits
UncleHerpie (12:10:59 AM): stuffing, onions, cauliflower, broccoli...cider, egg nog, milk....
my sn is nika (12:11:10 AM): how about fruit salad?!?!? HUH!?!?!?
UncleHerpie (12:11:15 AM): sure
UncleHerpie (12:11:38 AM): not gonna waste any space in my stomach with it today...but other days is cool
my sn is nika (12:11:48 AM): hmmmmmmm
UncleHerpie (12:12:06 AM): I'm goin straight to turkey town
my sn is nika (12:12:16 AM): and where is that?
UncleHerpie (12:12:26 AM): Stoughton, MA
my sn is nika (12:12:47 AM): ah.
my sn is nika (12:13:05 AM): for shame... those turkeys can live a better life that this y'know...
UncleHerpie (12:13:23 AM): they have an honorable death
my sn is nika (12:13:33 AM): honorable? how?
UncleHerpie (12:13:40 AM): decapitation
my sn is nika (12:13:47 AM): how's that honorable?
UncleHerpie (12:13:54 AM): it's the classy way to go
my sn is nika (12:14:02 AM): *shakes head*
my sn is nika (12:14:04 AM): for shame.
UncleHerpie (12:14:09 AM): like the guillotine
UncleHerpie (12:14:42 AM): makes a chicken look like a pansy
my sn is nika (12:14:53 AM): -_-
UncleHerpie (12:15:10 AM): what?!
UncleHerpie (12:15:28 AM): eating a pig on it's day off is no less cruel!
my sn is nika (12:15:46 AM): pigs can procreate fast so it's okay
my sn is nika (12:15:56 AM): turkeys... we eat them AND their eggs...
my sn is nika (12:15:58 AM): for shame.
UncleHerpie (12:16:03 AM): pigs celebrate thanksgiving too!
UncleHerpie (12:16:17 AM): who the hell eats turkey eggs?!
UncleHerpie (12:16:23 AM): I sure as shit don't
my sn is nika (12:16:29 AM): i don't either
my sn is nika (12:16:39 AM): but some eat it anyway
UncleHerpie (12:16:49 AM): it would be a waste of a perfectly good tasting turkey


Well, there you have it...Enjoy your Thanksgiving you bastards and bitches...because you'll have to wait an entire fucking year for another one!!

R.I.P. Eddie Guerrero

As some of you may have heard, through me or otherwise...Eddie Guerrero passed away Sunday morning at the age of 38. It is just apsolutely crazy to me that all these wrestlers continue to die. Why did it have to be Eddie Guerrero? He was on the right path...whether it be his faith that kept him grounded, or his 4 year sobriety. He brought himself back from the brink of self-destruction only to perish some years later. Something is NOT right with wrestling. Don't get me wrong, I love it, and I will most likely continue to watch it until the day I die. That being said, something has got to change. The number of Wrestler or wrestler related deaths is astounding...more so than any other sport or physical activity. My only guess is that it stems from the lifestyle that these wrestlers are forced to endure.

To place value on a person's life is wrong, but from a selfish standpoint, from a fan standpoint, this has got to be the worst death for me. Was it sad when Crash Holly died? Yes. Hawk? Yes. I can go on and on. But let's be honest, up until now the only truly heartbreaking moment has got to be Owen Hart. The man died on a national ppv broadcast. I literally watched the man plummet from the rafters, hit the turnbuckle, only to stand up and collapse. That was one of the worst things I have ever seen. Now we come to Eddie Guerrero... Like Owen he was a master of his craft. Without a doubt, one of the greatest to ever lace up a pair of Wrestling boots. I challenge anyone to tell me different. I truly looked forward to watching the man wrestle, because you knew it was going to be a great match. When he won the title for the first time, I literally jumped up and cheered. It's a shame that some wrestlers don't get the credit they deserve, because of their size, or their proportions, or whatever. People fall by the wayside, when it is in fact THEM that keep me watching. The "Christians", the "Matt Hardys", the "Benoits"...all those guys. WWE keeps letting them go, and they get replaced with suck-asses like Snitsky and other "big ugly dudes". These guys need to be treasured, revered, and most of all COMPENSATED for their dedication and consistency. Where is Jericho? Where is Christian? Where is Charlie Haas? Test? Saturn? I mean come on! I'm a goddamn layperson when it comes to the wrestling business...and I KNOW WHAT TO DO! My point is this...Eddie Guerrero died a 1 time champion. He should have been a champion many times over. I think that given the time, he would have been. SO keep your Kurt Angles, keep your Shelton Benjamins, make them into the stars that they should be, because one day, they might be dead, and they won't have gotten the credit they deserve.

Eddie Guerrero was one of my favorites, and not having him to look forward to will certainly hamper my need to watch Smackdown. He was one of the best ever, and this is how I will remember him.

Rest in Peace Eddie.

Poker Standings

The following are the current(as of 11/07/05)poker standings. Each number represents the TOTAL number of over-all victories. Second place is NO place motherfuckers!


Adam - 2(?)
Affie - 0(3)
Al(ex) - 2(?)
Andrew - 0(4)
Evan - 6(21)
Joe - 5(21)
John - 0(1)
Karissa - 2(17)
Kevin - 0(2)
Matt - 0(1)
Nick - 3(19)
Todd - -1(?)


Well there you have it, I'm not going to go ahead and say that this is a direct reflection of the skill level and/or over-all quality of Human Being, but anything that has me at the top, and Todd at the bottom, just has to be right...on soooo many levels...including that one...you sickos.

11/05 Update: Not only did I assume the lead in the poker standings, but I did it in grand fashion. At one point in the game I was down to $1.50 in chips. I came back to eliminate every other person at the table. I put the last 2 jabronies all in on the very last hand, and took them BOTH out at the same time. If only I knew the total number of games that Todd has played in...then I could show beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he is indeed the weakest link!


GOODBYE!

Comedic Gems: Halo Argument #1

O.k., here's part 2 of the Comedic Gems: Halo Style saga. This one isn't as funny as some of the others, but it was a damn good argument, in which I believe we clearly won. You see, there is this tool by the name of RedStar, who was constantly trying to push our buttons. And I don't mean it as in the way WE do it. He was just a plain dick. Anyway, he decided to critique one of our sucessful maneuvers. The following is how that Rusted Bed-Pan known as xxRedStarxx decided to voice his dislike:

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Subject: Why do the duster insist on doing the 'dumb' banshee drop.


Posted: 3/10/2005 2:28 PM
By: xxRedStarxx


I'm not trying to be mean or rude but I must reiterate that dropping in the base with banshee in a flag match is extremely stupid. I've been playing with you guys for quite some time and I know on more then one occassion I've explained how bad this strategy is but nearly every flag match I play with the dusters someone drops in the base with the banshee.

So, I'm going to waste everyone's time and again explain why this is a bad idea.

1. It rarely works. The only time this particular newb trick will work is against newbs. If the other team is severly unorganized then it will work. But after 5 months of playing halo 2 how often do you play against unorganized teams?

2. When the drop is performed the opposing team will have 2 banshees. This might be okay if you had the rockets but it is very uncertain who has them. However, the banshee is one of, if not the, best vehicle in the game. The scouting ability alone gives you a huge advantage. Not to mention its superior sniper supression abitilty.

Again, I'm not trying to be rude I think you guys are cool. No hard feelings.
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Posted: 3/11/2005 2:05 PM
By: Last Shenanigan

Not all your strategies are too well thought out, the whole parking the warthog on the teleporter and leaving it undefended is just asking them to jump in it with the flag and drive home. Kinda like what me and Godduck did when we played awhile back.

I know I've posted this link already but just in case you missed it.
http://www.bungie.net/Stats/GameStats.aspx?gameID=66711866&player=L %20a st%20Shenanigan
Thats the link to the game in which we beat you guys, using the banshee drop.

And finally, would you rather us drop out of the warthog and into the top of their base?
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Posted: 3/11/2005 5:49 PM
By: God Duck

I tried the warthog dropping technique...





It didn't end as well as you think.
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Posted: 3/12/2005 2:09 PM
By: UncleHerpie

man oh man oh man....*cracks knuckles*

To start...we are no longer "The Dusters" we are NudeUnderArmor. You know, a clever yet ridiculous clan name that a little bit, if not too much thought was put into. I am ALMOST surprised that you don't like this strategy...given that your entire clan with the exception of Reaper(we all know his roots)and sometimes Minx, is offensive minded, often leaving the base without a soul guarding it. So, our 1 totally offensive-minded maneuver, you decide to criticize. I can deal with that, however, I would like to make a few points of my own. After which, I am confident that you will agree with me(us), and be willing to hand over your precious Banshee when I ask for it...and I will. If not, then perhaps you are more suited to playing Star Wars games...

1. As far as the actual prodedure goes...What facts do you have to back up your claim that it rarely works? None?...Oh, my mistake, I thought someone would maybe do a little fact-gathering before stating said "facts". Well, if you would like to review the stats from our games on Waterworks, you will find that it works 90 to 95% of the time. Hahaha, and as Nick mentioned....there was the time we did it to you...odd. Need I mention, that this move was designed when reaper was in our clan, and he fully endorses it, and is one of the key factors in it's success.

2.Organized clans....where do I begin here? Well, I'll tell you! It would appear that we must often run into un-organized clans, given the sucess rate of the "Banshee Drop" and....if we also did it to you....would that then group your clan ...into the "Brotherhood of Un-organized Clans" Yes. Yes it does. Not that there was much doubt to begin with. *cough* defense *cough* Noobs indeed...

3. The "Dumb" Banshee Drop? What exactly makes it dumb? Need I critique every retarded thing you and your clan do? Cuz I will. I could probably write a thesis on it. I mean as far as I can tell, Minx is the best team player in your clan, and even she will abandon the team to save your sorry Banshee flying carcass.

4. The banshee sucks. Bad. It's a distractory vehicle, that is all. It is easily shot down with a pistol, and a well timed rocket is basically a certain kill. It has poor shooting abilty...must I go on? the fact that you "mastered" the art of banshee flying is more sad than anything. I mean, your 4-7 random kills are all well and good, but what purpose do they actually serve? I use the banshee on 2 occasions. When I need to get somewhere fast and it is the only vehicle left, and when I am goin to do the banshee drop. Note that I say "I" am going to do the banshee drop, because that is my role in the procedure. It was well thought out that way. Unlike random flying....or "scouting"...scouting?! Good god, what's the point of scouting, if when there is someone on top of our base getting ready to grab our flag, and I am saying out loud, that there is a person in a certain area, and noone, and I mean noone goes to even check it out. You have to keep in mind, that I am defending the flag....you heard it, defending the flag!!! I cannot abandon my post to go kill that person if there isn't adequate back-up, which there often isn't. Why? because if I fail to kill the person, they will have an open shot at our flag. Bad.
Moreover, do you know how much I care if the other team has 2 banshees? I don't. As far as I'm concerned, it's one less person doing something useful on the opposing team. One less person actively helping their team in an effort to get our flag. One less person getting useful kills on us. Do you see what I'm getting at?

How does it give you a huge advantage? They ALSO have a banshee...wouldn't that make it an even playing field? You know what else has good sniper supression? The base...where the flag is.

4. What is this all really about? Are you mad that I am using your precious Banshee? Feel free to take a ghost to their base and try to recover it. Then you can fly around to your heart's content. Meanwhile, I will return to Reaper with the Warthog that I left at the base, pick him up, and return with our flag. Sometimes, I'll even repeat the whole procedure 2 more times and win. Sometimes though, I'll just STAY AT THE BASE AND DEFEND!!! You see, what that does, is prevent the other team from scoring. As I've said before, defense wins championships, whether it be Baseball (Red Sox), or Football (Patriots X3), or even in Halo. Not that I can blame you, I mean what team can you emulate? What is it, like the Utah Jazz or something?.....heh, it's starting to make sense. Keep in mind, that I ONLY use this move on Waterworks, so any possible gripe you may have is on a map that comes up every once in awhile. I'm sure you can find something else to critique when it comes to us, something valid perhaps....

5. Your clan is good at slayer games. But guess what? 16 player slayer matches are rare. If they create a Big Team Slayer gametype in the new update, then you can feel free to bitch about our lack of killing *cough*Shenanigan*cough* How about Alerys when he's drinking? HE kills everyone!! I'm no slouch myself. GodDuck can be very effective before 9pm, when his brain shuts off. You should probably make reaper your overlord, because he is good at both slayer and objective games.


These are the people that I could make useful in our clan:

FlurbyBox : good all around skills and a monster long/mid-range ability
Minx : decent team play and slayer ability
MayHamn : good at quoting Christopher Columbus, and enjoyable to play with(peon spot baby!)
Reaper : Best player in your clan.
Owen : while inconsistent, when he's on, he's on.(not any longer)

...





...



that's all.
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Posted: 3/12/2005 6:51 PM By: xxRedStarxx

You guys say that you have a 90 to 95 % sucess rate on waterworks. Well where did you get this number? I think your just making sh@t up. Let me introduce the following as evidence:

Last Shenigans stats on big team battle. 320 games played 135 wins. Let's see thats about a 42% success rate. Interesting.

UncleHerpies stats on big team battle. 355 games played 140 wins. That's also about a 40% success rate. Very interesting.

So either you suck really bad at all the other big team battle maps or your full of sh@t.
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Posted: 3/12/2005 7:26 PM
By: UncleHerpie

Ghaa!! You dumb-ass!!!

How many of those games in big team battle are "capture the flag on Waterworks" All 355 of them?! What the crap are you talking about?! I'm saying that WHEN Waterworks comes up AND it is single flag or multi-flag, AND I perform the banshee drop, it has a sucess rate of 90 to 95%. I didn't say that I use a banshee drop in all 355 of my games played. Dammit man, get your facts straight.

Also, there are many games on Coag....where you aren't present....and noone even touches the banshee....and noone cares...and we score. As far as us vs. you on that map....let's do it...again...I don't care. Keep in mind that you would know that I would be doing it, and could prepare yourselves accordingly. Not to mention whoever takes Joe's place in the procedure would more than likely use a rocket on your goddamn Banshee before you could touch Nick in the Wraith. If not, it won't matter because none of you will be in the base defending anyway right? Also, who's to say you would even get our flag to begin with. Is it possible, yeah sure, but we'll put up one hell of a defensive stand to prevent it.
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Posted: 3/12/2005 8:10 PM
By: Last Shenanigan

Scout? I barely ever hear you talking in the party menu better yet in an actual game telling us anything we cant already see for ourselves.
Spawn kill vehicles? Why do you put such a huge importance on vehicles? They are in no way "precious" if you blow up all our vehicles I'll saddle up my 60 year old horse and hoof the map hugging the wall and sticking to the caves like I know what I'm doing.
Like any other weapon they have their advantages and disadvantages.
The banshee drop is just a quick try at their flag before they're ready most of the time it gets blown up while still sitting on their base. After that we do jump over the wall and grab it. The thing respawns in about 30 seconds cant you wait that long?

Honestly man you could've been alot more adult about this and not started a whole new thread for it... why not in ideas and contributions? Or how bout saying "thanks for letting me post here guys" like the rest of you clan did? No? I realize you say your not trying to be rude, but that doesnt mean you arent being rude. If we play a game together I will personally pal to pal find a working banshee and fly it all the way over to you (same team or not) and let you do all this "vehicle killing" or "sniper suppression" you want. More so you bring stats into the arguement? Dare I call you a hypocrite with YOUR stats? I got a great idea, go to YOUR forum post to YOUR clan about the really tiny details YOU dont like. Then when you and minx end up with two banshees you can fly all over hell and high five each other across your living room everytime one of you gets a kill.
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Posted: 3/13/2005 2:11 PM
By: God Duck

LOUD NOISES!