ME:
At some point, shouldn't the card have been shut off or
restricted? I can take the blame for overdrawing my account initially,
as I seem to have thought I had more money than I actually had. But to
hit me with 8 overdraft fees totalling upwards of $250 is a little too
much to grasp. If you'll notice, the majority of the charges were very
small (i.e. $2.76), as I was simply buying a drink and a candy bar at
work, not knowing that it was costing me $36. I NEVER received ANY
notice until Dec. 24th, at which point it was far too late. All in all,
this situation could easily have been avoided. I would appreciate any
help on the matter. Thank you.
Evan Dumas
p.s. Should I contact my branch manager?
B.o.A:
Thank you for your inquiry dated 12/27/05 regarding Regular Checking -
0277 Overdraft Protection. Your concerns are very important to us.
Although we are not obligated to pay an item presented if your account
does not have sufficient funds, we may pay it as a courtesy. This
occurrence may warrant an insufficient funds or overdraft fee to be
assessed to your account.
Also note that we are unable to refund any overdraft fees for two or
more occurrences unless the overdraft fee is due to a bank error. Our
research indicates the fees were applied correctly and no error
occurred. Unfortunately, we are unable to provide you with a refund.
We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused. If we may be
of further assistance, please contact us again by e-mail.
Sincerely,
{blank} Winslet
Bank of America
ME:
I understand that it was my error that first allowed the account to be
overdrawn. However, I was not even given NOTICE until 10 days after it
happened, nor was the card shut off to PREVENT such charges from
continuing. On top of that, you then asessed a "monthly maintenence fee AND hit me with another overdraft charge for it! I'm usually not one to make ¨threats¨, but I simply cannot afford to have such a thing happen again. I'm sorry to say that I may
begin looking into other banking possibilities in order to prevent it.
B.o.A:
Thank you for your inquiry dated 1/11/06 regarding Re: Regular Checking
- 0277 Overdraft Protection.
We apologize for the inconvenience. As of June 1, 2005, overdraft or
insufficient funds fees are assessed against your account based on the
number of overdraft fee occurrences on your account as shown below:
- 1 occurrence: $19.00 per item
- 2-4 occurrences: $31.00 per item
- 5+ occurrences: $34.00 per item
An occurrence refers to the number of days that an overdraft or
insufficient funds item presented against your account during the
preceding 12-month period. The rolling 12-month period includes the
current calendar month plus the previous 12 calendar months.
We are unable to refund any overdraft fees for two or more occurrences
unless the overdraft fee is due to a bank error. Our research indicates
the fees were applied correctly and no error occurred. Unfortunately,
we are unable to provide you with a refund.
If we may be of further assistance, please contact us again by e-mail.
Thank you for choosing Bank of America.
Sincerely,
{blank} Barnett
Bank of America
ME:
I understand the policy, I'm telling you that I don't agree with the implementation. It was clearly an effort to usurp the funds for the benefit of the bank, rather than for the "protection" of the account holder. I lost $300 on candy bars! Thank you for ruining Christmas.
Am I out of line here? I never expected the actual president of Bank of America to actually respond to my email, but I did expect one of the customer service jabronies to get back to me. After about a week (they said 12 hours), I finally got a response, and it said the same shit as the last customer service goon's reply. Overdraft "protection" my hairy, white ass! Fuckers.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Fuck you!
I have a question for NUA...
Where the Fuch is everyone?!
This is getting ridiculous...Even I can't play like I used to, but at least I try...at least I make an effort to make my presence felt.
Nick, you sorry sonofabitch, you need a goddamn intervention..and your girlfriend is no friggin' help because she's as pathetically addicted as you are. You weak, weak bastard. This new playlist update even favors your style of play, but NO, you spend you time porking helpless, pre-pubescent orcs. F'ing sicko.
I can't blame Flurb for jumping ship again...but I will. At least SS is f'ing playing the game, which is more than I can say for us.
Reap's going to be out-to-sea with all his "sailor-pals in uniform". So, at least he has an excuse...it's homorific, but it's still an excuse.
Todd is a little bitch, and has been milking the MAC address crap for about 3 months now. You sack of s#!+.
Alerys' semester is coming to an end on Tues., he has expressed interest in returning, albeit under a different name.
Sonic, Kitty, Guardo, Froggie, and Ronnie are all part-timers...and I suppose they should be scolded. ASSHOLES!
Dunbar is probably on his way here, but it takes him so goddamn long to do ANYTHING, he just hasn't arrived yet. When he does, noone will care...because he sucks and he's slow.
Edible Mustache seems to have gotten through his recent fad, and gone back to having sex...constantly.
If all this made you wonder if I was leaving NUA, then I feel sorry for you. Let's face it... I AM NUA for the time being.
fuckers.
Where the Fuch is everyone?!
This is getting ridiculous...Even I can't play like I used to, but at least I try...at least I make an effort to make my presence felt.
Nick, you sorry sonofabitch, you need a goddamn intervention..and your girlfriend is no friggin' help because she's as pathetically addicted as you are. You weak, weak bastard. This new playlist update even favors your style of play, but NO, you spend you time porking helpless, pre-pubescent orcs. F'ing sicko.I can't blame Flurb for jumping ship again...but I will. At least SS is f'ing playing the game, which is more than I can say for us.
Reap's going to be out-to-sea with all his "sailor-pals in uniform". So, at least he has an excuse...it's homorific, but it's still an excuse.
Todd is a little bitch, and has been milking the MAC address crap for about 3 months now. You sack of s#!+.
Alerys' semester is coming to an end on Tues., he has expressed interest in returning, albeit under a different name.
Sonic, Kitty, Guardo, Froggie, and Ronnie are all part-timers...and I suppose they should be scolded. ASSHOLES!
Dunbar is probably on his way here, but it takes him so goddamn long to do ANYTHING, he just hasn't arrived yet. When he does, noone will care...because he sucks and he's slow.
Edible Mustache seems to have gotten through his recent fad, and gone back to having sex...constantly.
If all this made you wonder if I was leaving NUA, then I feel sorry for you. Let's face it... I AM NUA for the time being.
fuckers.
Thursday, November 24, 2005
An Ode to the Turkey...
It's Thanksgiving...the ONLY holiday that's really worth celebrating. It's a completely secular holiday, built around family, and ther eis no big marketing scam pushing products on unsuspecting buyers. It a time for eating...a time for Football...but mostly a time for eating. Eating Turkey. And then there's some people who just don't get it... Here is a transcript of a discussion I had with one of these individuals...
UncleHerpie (11:49:28 PM): Turkey this!
my sn is nika (11:49:35 PM): *dodges*
my sn is nika (11:49:44 PM): nah, i don't want some bird flu, thanks.
UncleHerpie (11:50:12 PM): please tell me you are not forgoing thanksgiving turkey because of bird flu...
my sn is nika (11:50:29 PM): i'm having ham for thanksgiving
UncleHerpie (11:50:52 PM): you sadden me.
my sn is nika (11:51:21 PM): good.
UncleHerpie (11:51:53 PM): ham....pfffptt
my sn is nika (11:52:15 PM): honey glazed ham from that one ham store = ohsodamngood
UncleHerpie (11:52:52 PM): I hope a turkey pecks you repeatedly on your way to the ham store
my sn is nika (11:53:11 PM): too late
my sn is nika (11:53:15 PM): already have the ham here
UncleHerpie (11:53:30 PM): then I hope you get the hog flu
my sn is nika (11:54:14 PM): there's no hog flu
UncleHerpie (11:54:45 PM): ...that you know of
my sn is nika (11:55:06 PM): no, i know for a fact that there's no hog flu
UncleHerpie (11:55:16 PM): you know nothing of the sort!
my sn is nika (11:55:32 PM): that's because it's not in the news unlike the bird flu!
UncleHerpie (11:55:51 PM): oh, so only things that are on the news are factual?
my sn is nika (11:56:01 PM): i never said that
UncleHerpie (11:56:05 PM): mmm hmmm
my sn is nika (11:56:11 PM): you said that.
UncleHerpie (11:56:11 PM): victory is mine!
my sn is nika (11:56:18 PM): there's no victory!
UncleHerpie (11:56:29 PM): then why am I celebrating?!
my sn is nika (11:56:43 PM): because you celebrate for no reason
UncleHerpie (11:56:49 PM): I do not
my sn is nika (11:56:54 PM): hahaha
my sn is nika (11:56:58 PM): now you're in denial
UncleHerpie (11:57:05 PM): although tomorrow is thanksgiving...which is reason enough to celebrate
my sn is nika (11:57:13 PM): yeah, but that's tomorrow
my sn is nika (11:57:19 PM): so celebrate tomorrow, not today
my sn is nika (11:57:37 PM): and by today, i mean in pacific standard time
UncleHerpie (11:57:44 PM): correction....west coaster
UncleHerpie (11:57:48 PM): yeah
UncleHerpie (11:57:54 PM): I can celebrate all I want
my sn is nika (11:58:06 PM): yeah because i said, you celebrate for no reason
UncleHerpie (11:58:24 PM): no, because technically...it IS Thanksgiving
my sn is nika (11:58:57 PM): so you shouldn't celebrate, but instead, be thankful... of stuff...
UncleHerpie (11:58:59 PM): and I'm gonna have Thanksgiving food, while you are eating Christmas/Easter food
my sn is nika (11:59:24 PM): sure....
my sn is nika (12:05:55 AM): oh yeah, happy thanksgiving there...
UncleHerpie (12:07:52 AM): indeed
my sn is nika (12:08:33 AM): soo... what the heck are you thankful for??!??! HUH!??!?!?
UncleHerpie (12:09:48 AM): ...turkeys
UncleHerpie (12:10:02 AM): ...casserole
UncleHerpie (12:10:06 AM): ...potatoes
UncleHerpie (12:10:23 AM): ummm...biscuits
UncleHerpie (12:10:59 AM): stuffing, onions, cauliflower, broccoli...cider, egg nog, milk....
my sn is nika (12:11:10 AM): how about fruit salad?!?!? HUH!?!?!?
UncleHerpie (12:11:15 AM): sure
UncleHerpie (12:11:38 AM): not gonna waste any space in my stomach with it today...but other days is cool
my sn is nika (12:11:48 AM): hmmmmmmm
UncleHerpie (12:12:06 AM): I'm goin straight to turkey town
my sn is nika (12:12:16 AM): and where is that?
UncleHerpie (12:12:26 AM): Stoughton, MA
my sn is nika (12:12:47 AM): ah.
my sn is nika (12:13:05 AM): for shame... those turkeys can live a better life that this y'know...
UncleHerpie (12:13:23 AM): they have an honorable death
my sn is nika (12:13:33 AM): honorable? how?
UncleHerpie (12:13:40 AM): decapitation
my sn is nika (12:13:47 AM): how's that honorable?
UncleHerpie (12:13:54 AM): it's the classy way to go
my sn is nika (12:14:02 AM): *shakes head*
my sn is nika (12:14:04 AM): for shame.
UncleHerpie (12:14:09 AM): like the guillotine
UncleHerpie (12:14:42 AM): makes a chicken look like a pansy
my sn is nika (12:14:53 AM): -_-
UncleHerpie (12:15:10 AM): what?!
UncleHerpie (12:15:28 AM): eating a pig on it's day off is no less cruel!
my sn is nika (12:15:46 AM): pigs can procreate fast so it's okay
my sn is nika (12:15:56 AM): turkeys... we eat them AND their eggs...
my sn is nika (12:15:58 AM): for shame.
UncleHerpie (12:16:03 AM): pigs celebrate thanksgiving too!
UncleHerpie (12:16:17 AM): who the hell eats turkey eggs?!
UncleHerpie (12:16:23 AM): I sure as shit don't
my sn is nika (12:16:29 AM): i don't either
my sn is nika (12:16:39 AM): but some eat it anyway
UncleHerpie (12:16:49 AM): it would be a waste of a perfectly good tasting turkey
Well, there you have it...Enjoy your Thanksgiving you bastards and bitches...because you'll have to wait an entire fucking year for another one!!
UncleHerpie (11:49:28 PM): Turkey this!
my sn is nika (11:49:35 PM): *dodges*
my sn is nika (11:49:44 PM): nah, i don't want some bird flu, thanks.
UncleHerpie (11:50:12 PM): please tell me you are not forgoing thanksgiving turkey because of bird flu...
my sn is nika (11:50:29 PM): i'm having ham for thanksgiving
UncleHerpie (11:50:52 PM): you sadden me.
my sn is nika (11:51:21 PM): good.
UncleHerpie (11:51:53 PM): ham....pfffptt
my sn is nika (11:52:15 PM): honey glazed ham from that one ham store = ohsodamngood
UncleHerpie (11:52:52 PM): I hope a turkey pecks you repeatedly on your way to the ham store
my sn is nika (11:53:11 PM): too late
my sn is nika (11:53:15 PM): already have the ham here
UncleHerpie (11:53:30 PM): then I hope you get the hog flu
my sn is nika (11:54:14 PM): there's no hog flu
UncleHerpie (11:54:45 PM): ...that you know of
my sn is nika (11:55:06 PM): no, i know for a fact that there's no hog flu
UncleHerpie (11:55:16 PM): you know nothing of the sort!
my sn is nika (11:55:32 PM): that's because it's not in the news unlike the bird flu!
UncleHerpie (11:55:51 PM): oh, so only things that are on the news are factual?
my sn is nika (11:56:01 PM): i never said that
UncleHerpie (11:56:05 PM): mmm hmmm
my sn is nika (11:56:11 PM): you said that.
UncleHerpie (11:56:11 PM): victory is mine!
my sn is nika (11:56:18 PM): there's no victory!
UncleHerpie (11:56:29 PM): then why am I celebrating?!
my sn is nika (11:56:43 PM): because you celebrate for no reason
UncleHerpie (11:56:49 PM): I do not
my sn is nika (11:56:54 PM): hahaha
my sn is nika (11:56:58 PM): now you're in denial
UncleHerpie (11:57:05 PM): although tomorrow is thanksgiving...which is reason enough to celebrate
my sn is nika (11:57:13 PM): yeah, but that's tomorrow
my sn is nika (11:57:19 PM): so celebrate tomorrow, not today
my sn is nika (11:57:37 PM): and by today, i mean in pacific standard time
UncleHerpie (11:57:44 PM): correction....west coaster
UncleHerpie (11:57:48 PM): yeah
UncleHerpie (11:57:54 PM): I can celebrate all I want
my sn is nika (11:58:06 PM): yeah because i said, you celebrate for no reason
UncleHerpie (11:58:24 PM): no, because technically...it IS Thanksgiving
my sn is nika (11:58:57 PM): so you shouldn't celebrate, but instead, be thankful... of stuff...
UncleHerpie (11:58:59 PM): and I'm gonna have Thanksgiving food, while you are eating Christmas/Easter food
my sn is nika (11:59:24 PM): sure....
my sn is nika (12:05:55 AM): oh yeah, happy thanksgiving there...
UncleHerpie (12:07:52 AM): indeed
my sn is nika (12:08:33 AM): soo... what the heck are you thankful for??!??! HUH!??!?!?
UncleHerpie (12:09:48 AM): ...turkeys
UncleHerpie (12:10:02 AM): ...casserole
UncleHerpie (12:10:06 AM): ...potatoes
UncleHerpie (12:10:23 AM): ummm...biscuits
UncleHerpie (12:10:59 AM): stuffing, onions, cauliflower, broccoli...cider, egg nog, milk....
my sn is nika (12:11:10 AM): how about fruit salad?!?!? HUH!?!?!?
UncleHerpie (12:11:15 AM): sure
UncleHerpie (12:11:38 AM): not gonna waste any space in my stomach with it today...but other days is cool
my sn is nika (12:11:48 AM): hmmmmmmm
UncleHerpie (12:12:06 AM): I'm goin straight to turkey town
my sn is nika (12:12:16 AM): and where is that?
UncleHerpie (12:12:26 AM): Stoughton, MA
my sn is nika (12:12:47 AM): ah.
my sn is nika (12:13:05 AM): for shame... those turkeys can live a better life that this y'know...
UncleHerpie (12:13:23 AM): they have an honorable death
my sn is nika (12:13:33 AM): honorable? how?
UncleHerpie (12:13:40 AM): decapitation
my sn is nika (12:13:47 AM): how's that honorable?
UncleHerpie (12:13:54 AM): it's the classy way to go
my sn is nika (12:14:02 AM): *shakes head*
my sn is nika (12:14:04 AM): for shame.
UncleHerpie (12:14:09 AM): like the guillotine
UncleHerpie (12:14:42 AM): makes a chicken look like a pansy
my sn is nika (12:14:53 AM): -_-
UncleHerpie (12:15:10 AM): what?!
UncleHerpie (12:15:28 AM): eating a pig on it's day off is no less cruel!
my sn is nika (12:15:46 AM): pigs can procreate fast so it's okay
my sn is nika (12:15:56 AM): turkeys... we eat them AND their eggs...
my sn is nika (12:15:58 AM): for shame.
UncleHerpie (12:16:03 AM): pigs celebrate thanksgiving too!
UncleHerpie (12:16:17 AM): who the hell eats turkey eggs?!
UncleHerpie (12:16:23 AM): I sure as shit don't
my sn is nika (12:16:29 AM): i don't either
my sn is nika (12:16:39 AM): but some eat it anyway
UncleHerpie (12:16:49 AM): it would be a waste of a perfectly good tasting turkey
Well, there you have it...Enjoy your Thanksgiving you bastards and bitches...because you'll have to wait an entire fucking year for another one!!
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
R.I.P. Eddie Guerrero
As some of you may have heard, through me or otherwise...Eddie Guerrero passed away Sunday morning at the age of 38. It is just apsolutely crazy to me that all these wrestlers continue to die. Why did it have to be Eddie Guerrero? He was on the right path...whether it be his faith that kept him grounded, or his 4 year sobriety. He brought himself back from the brink of self-destruction only to perish some years later. Something is NOT right with wrestling. Don't get me wrong, I love it, and I will most likely continue to watch it until the day I die. That being said, something has got to change. The number of Wrestler or wrestler related deaths is astounding...more so than any other sport or physical activity. My only guess is that it stems from the lifestyle that these wrestlers are forced to endure.
To place value on a person's life is wrong, but from a selfish standpoint, from a fan standpoint, this has got to be the worst death for me. Was it sad when Crash Holly died? Yes. Hawk? Yes. I can go on and on. But let's be honest, up until now the only truly heartbreaking moment has got to be Owen Hart. The man died on a national ppv broadcast. I literally watched the man plummet from the rafters, hit the turnbuckle, only to stand up and collapse. That was one of the worst things I have ever seen. Now we come to Eddie Guerrero... Like Owen he was a master of his craft. Without a doubt, one of the greatest to ever lace up a pair of Wrestling boots. I challenge anyone to tell me different. I truly looked forward to watching the man wrestle, because you knew it was going to be a great match. When he won the title for the first time, I literally jumped up and cheered. It's a shame that some wrestlers don't get the credit they deserve, because of their size, or their proportions, or whatever. People fall by the wayside, when it is in fact THEM that keep me watching. The "Christians", the "Matt Hardys", the "Benoits"...all those guys. WWE keeps letting them go, and they get replaced with suck-asses like Snitsky and other "big ugly dudes". These guys need to be treasured, revered, and most of all COMPENSATED for their dedication and consistency. Where is Jericho? Where is Christian? Where is Charlie Haas? Test? Saturn? I mean come on! I'm a goddamn layperson when it comes to the wrestling business...and I KNOW WHAT TO DO! My point is this...Eddie Guerrero died a 1 time champion. He should have been a champion many times over. I think that given the time, he would have been. SO keep your Kurt Angles, keep your Shelton Benjamins, make them into the stars that they should be, because one day, they might be dead, and they won't have gotten the credit they deserve.
Eddie Guerrero was one of my favorites, and not having him to look forward to will certainly hamper my need to watch Smackdown. He was one of the best ever, and this is how I will remember him.
Rest in Peace Eddie.
Monday, November 07, 2005
Poker Standings
The following are the current(as of 11/07/05)poker standings. Each number represents the TOTAL number of over-all victories. Second place is NO place motherfuckers!
Adam - 2(?)
Affie - 0(3)
Al(ex) - 2(?)
Andrew - 0(4)
Evan - 6(21)
Joe - 5(21)
John - 0(1)
Karissa - 2(17)
Kevin - 0(2)
Matt - 0(1)
Nick - 3(19)
Todd - -1(?)
Well there you have it, I'm not going to go ahead and say that this is a direct reflection of the skill level and/or over-all quality of Human Being, but anything that has me at the top, and Todd at the bottom, just has to be right...on soooo many levels...including that one...you sickos.
11/05 Update: Not only did I assume the lead in the poker standings, but I did it in grand fashion. At one point in the game I was down to $1.50 in chips. I came back to eliminate every other person at the table. I put the last 2 jabronies all in on the very last hand, and took them BOTH out at the same time. If only I knew the total number of games that Todd has played in...then I could show beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he is indeed the weakest link!
GOODBYE!
Adam - 2(?)
Affie - 0(3)
Al(ex) - 2(?)
Andrew - 0(4)
Evan - 6(21)
Joe - 5(21)
John - 0(1)
Karissa - 2(17)
Kevin - 0(2)
Matt - 0(1)
Nick - 3(19)
Todd - -1(?)
Well there you have it, I'm not going to go ahead and say that this is a direct reflection of the skill level and/or over-all quality of Human Being, but anything that has me at the top, and Todd at the bottom, just has to be right...on soooo many levels...including that one...you sickos.
11/05 Update: Not only did I assume the lead in the poker standings, but I did it in grand fashion. At one point in the game I was down to $1.50 in chips. I came back to eliminate every other person at the table. I put the last 2 jabronies all in on the very last hand, and took them BOTH out at the same time. If only I knew the total number of games that Todd has played in...then I could show beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he is indeed the weakest link!
GOODBYE!
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Comedic Gems: Halo Argument #1
O.k., here's part 2 of the Comedic Gems: Halo Style saga. This one isn't as funny as some of the others, but it was a damn good argument, in which I believe we clearly won.
You see, there is this tool by the name of RedStar, who was constantly trying to push our buttons. And I don't mean it as in the way WE do it. He was just a plain dick. Anyway, he decided to critique one of our sucessful maneuvers. The following is how that Rusted Bed-Pan known as xxRedStarxx decided to voice his dislike:
Subject: Why do the duster insist on doing the 'dumb' banshee drop.
Posted: 3/10/2005 2:28 PM
By: xxRedStarxx
I'm not trying to be mean or rude but I must reiterate that dropping in the base with banshee in a flag match is extremely stupid. I've been playing with you guys for quite some time and I know on more then one occassion I've explained how bad this strategy is but nearly every flag match I play with the dusters someone drops in the base with the banshee.
So, I'm going to waste everyone's time and again explain why this is a bad idea.
1. It rarely works. The only time this particular newb trick will work is against newbs. If the other team is severly unorganized then it will work. But after 5 months of playing halo 2 how often do you play against unorganized teams?
2. When the drop is performed the opposing team will have 2 banshees. This might be okay if you had the rockets but it is very uncertain who has them. However, the banshee is one of, if not the, best vehicle in the game. The scouting ability alone gives you a huge advantage. Not to mention its superior sniper supression abitilty.
Again, I'm not trying to be rude I think you guys are cool. No hard feelings.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Posted: 3/11/2005 2:05 PM
By: Last Shenanigan
Not all your strategies are too well thought out, the whole parking the warthog on the teleporter and leaving it undefended is just asking them to jump in it with the flag and drive home. Kinda like what me and Godduck did when we played awhile back.
I know I've posted this link already but just in case you missed it.
http://www.bungie.net/Stats/GameStats.aspx?gameID=66711866&player=L %20a st%20Shenanigan
Thats the link to the game in which we beat you guys, using the banshee drop.
And finally, would you rather us drop out of the warthog and into the top of their base?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Posted: 3/11/2005 5:49 PM
By: God Duck
I tried the warthog dropping technique...
It didn't end as well as you think.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Posted: 3/12/2005 2:09 PM
By: UncleHerpie
man oh man oh man....*cracks knuckles*
To start...we are no longer "The Dusters" we are NudeUnderArmor. You know, a clever yet ridiculous clan name that a little bit, if not too much thought was put into. I am ALMOST surprised that you don't like this strategy...given that your entire clan with the exception of Reaper(we all know his roots)and sometimes Minx, is offensive minded, often leaving the base without a soul guarding it. So, our 1 totally offensive-minded maneuver, you decide to criticize. I can deal with that, however, I would like to make a few points of my own. After which, I am confident that you will agree with me(us), and be willing to hand over your precious Banshee when I ask for it...and I will. If not, then perhaps you are more suited to playing Star Wars games...
1. As far as the actual prodedure goes...What facts do you have to back up your claim that it rarely works? None?...Oh, my mistake, I thought someone would maybe do a little fact-gathering before stating said "facts". Well, if you would like to review the stats from our games on Waterworks, you will find that it works 90 to 95% of the time. Hahaha, and as Nick mentioned....there was the time we did it to you...odd. Need I mention, that this move was designed when reaper was in our clan, and he fully endorses it, and is one of the key factors in it's success.
2.Organized clans....where do I begin here? Well, I'll tell you! It would appear that we must often run into un-organized clans, given the sucess rate of the "Banshee Drop" and....if we also did it to you....would that then group your clan ...into the "Brotherhood of Un-organized Clans" Yes. Yes it does. Not that there was much doubt to begin with. *cough* defense *cough* Noobs indeed...
3. The "Dumb" Banshee Drop? What exactly makes it dumb? Need I critique every retarded thing you and your clan do? Cuz I will. I could probably write a thesis on it. I mean as far as I can tell, Minx is the best team player in your clan, and even she will abandon the team to save your sorry Banshee flying carcass.
4. The banshee sucks. Bad. It's a distractory vehicle, that is all. It is easily shot down with a pistol, and a well timed rocket is basically a certain kill. It has poor shooting abilty...must I go on? the fact that you "mastered" the art of banshee flying is more sad than anything. I mean, your 4-7 random kills are all well and good, but what purpose do they actually serve? I use the banshee on 2 occasions. When I need to get somewhere fast and it is the only vehicle left, and when I am goin to do the banshee drop. Note that I say "I" am going to do the banshee drop, because that is my role in the procedure. It was well thought out that way. Unlike random flying....or "scouting"...scouting?! Good god, what's the point of scouting, if when there is someone on top of our base getting ready to grab our flag, and I am saying out loud, that there is a person in a certain area, and noone, and I mean noone goes to even check it out. You have to keep in mind, that I am defending the flag....you heard it, defending the flag!!! I cannot abandon my post to go kill that person if there isn't adequate back-up, which there often isn't. Why? because if I fail to kill the person, they will have an open shot at our flag. Bad.
Moreover, do you know how much I care if the other team has 2 banshees? I don't. As far as I'm concerned, it's one less person doing something useful on the opposing team. One less person actively helping their team in an effort to get our flag. One less person getting useful kills on us. Do you see what I'm getting at?
How does it give you a huge advantage? They ALSO have a banshee...wouldn't that make it an even playing field? You know what else has good sniper supression? The base...where the flag is.
4. What is this all really about? Are you mad that I am using your precious Banshee? Feel free to take a ghost to their base and try to recover it. Then you can fly around to your heart's content. Meanwhile, I will return to Reaper with the Warthog that I left at the base, pick him up, and return with our flag. Sometimes, I'll even repeat the whole procedure 2 more times and win. Sometimes though, I'll just STAY AT THE BASE AND DEFEND!!! You see, what that does, is prevent the other team from scoring. As I've said before, defense wins championships, whether it be Baseball (Red Sox), or Football (Patriots X3), or even in Halo. Not that I can blame you, I mean what team can you emulate? What is it, like the Utah Jazz or something?.....heh, it's starting to make sense. Keep in mind, that I ONLY use this move on Waterworks, so any possible gripe you may have is on a map that comes up every once in awhile. I'm sure you can find something else to critique when it comes to us, something valid perhaps....
5. Your clan is good at slayer games. But guess what? 16 player slayer matches are rare. If they create a Big Team Slayer gametype in the new update, then you can feel free to bitch about our lack of killing *cough*Shenanigan*cough* How about Alerys when he's drinking? HE kills everyone!! I'm no slouch myself. GodDuck can be very effective before 9pm, when his brain shuts off. You should probably make reaper your overlord, because he is good at both slayer and objective games.
These are the people that I could make useful in our clan:
FlurbyBox : good all around skills and a monster long/mid-range ability
Minx : decent team play and slayer ability
MayHamn : good at quoting Christopher Columbus, and enjoyable to play with(peon spot baby!)
Reaper : Best player in your clan.
Owen : while inconsistent, when he's on, he's on.(not any longer)
...
...
that's all.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Posted: 3/12/2005 6:51 PM By: xxRedStarxx
You guys say that you have a 90 to 95 % sucess rate on waterworks. Well where did you get this number? I think your just making sh@t up. Let me introduce the following as evidence:
Last Shenigans stats on big team battle. 320 games played 135 wins. Let's see thats about a 42% success rate. Interesting.
UncleHerpies stats on big team battle. 355 games played 140 wins. That's also about a 40% success rate. Very interesting.
So either you suck really bad at all the other big team battle maps or your full of sh@t.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Posted: 3/12/2005 7:26 PM
By: UncleHerpie
Ghaa!! You dumb-ass!!!
How many of those games in big team battle are "capture the flag on Waterworks" All 355 of them?! What the crap are you talking about?! I'm saying that WHEN Waterworks comes up AND it is single flag or multi-flag, AND I perform the banshee drop, it has a sucess rate of 90 to 95%. I didn't say that I use a banshee drop in all 355 of my games played. Dammit man, get your facts straight.
Also, there are many games on Coag....where you aren't present....and noone even touches the banshee....and noone cares...and we score. As far as us vs. you on that map....let's do it...again...I don't care. Keep in mind that you would know that I would be doing it, and could prepare yourselves accordingly. Not to mention whoever takes Joe's place in the procedure would more than likely use a rocket on your goddamn Banshee before you could touch Nick in the Wraith. If not, it won't matter because none of you will be in the base defending anyway right? Also, who's to say you would even get our flag to begin with. Is it possible, yeah sure, but we'll put up one hell of a defensive stand to prevent it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Posted: 3/12/2005 8:10 PM
By: Last Shenanigan
Scout? I barely ever hear you talking in the party menu better yet in an actual game telling us anything we cant already see for ourselves.
Spawn kill vehicles? Why do you put such a huge importance on vehicles? They are in no way "precious" if you blow up all our vehicles I'll saddle up my 60 year old horse and hoof the map hugging the wall and sticking to the caves like I know what I'm doing.
Like any other weapon they have their advantages and disadvantages.
The banshee drop is just a quick try at their flag before they're ready most of the time it gets blown up while still sitting on their base. After that we do jump over the wall and grab it. The thing respawns in about 30 seconds cant you wait that long?
Honestly man you could've been alot more adult about this and not started a whole new thread for it... why not in ideas and contributions? Or how bout saying "thanks for letting me post here guys" like the rest of you clan did? No? I realize you say your not trying to be rude, but that doesnt mean you arent being rude. If we play a game together I will personally pal to pal find a working banshee and fly it all the way over to you (same team or not) and let you do all this "vehicle killing" or "sniper suppression" you want. More so you bring stats into the arguement? Dare I call you a hypocrite with YOUR stats? I got a great idea, go to YOUR forum post to YOUR clan about the really tiny details YOU dont like. Then when you and minx end up with two banshees you can fly all over hell and high five each other across your living room everytime one of you gets a kill.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Posted: 3/13/2005 2:11 PM
By: God Duck
LOUD NOISES!
You see, there is this tool by the name of RedStar, who was constantly trying to push our buttons. And I don't mean it as in the way WE do it. He was just a plain dick. Anyway, he decided to critique one of our sucessful maneuvers. The following is how that Rusted Bed-Pan known as xxRedStarxx decided to voice his dislike:Subject: Why do the duster insist on doing the 'dumb' banshee drop.
Posted: 3/10/2005 2:28 PM
By: xxRedStarxx
I'm not trying to be mean or rude but I must reiterate that dropping in the base with banshee in a flag match is extremely stupid. I've been playing with you guys for quite some time and I know on more then one occassion I've explained how bad this strategy is but nearly every flag match I play with the dusters someone drops in the base with the banshee.
So, I'm going to waste everyone's time and again explain why this is a bad idea.
1. It rarely works. The only time this particular newb trick will work is against newbs. If the other team is severly unorganized then it will work. But after 5 months of playing halo 2 how often do you play against unorganized teams?
2. When the drop is performed the opposing team will have 2 banshees. This might be okay if you had the rockets but it is very uncertain who has them. However, the banshee is one of, if not the, best vehicle in the game. The scouting ability alone gives you a huge advantage. Not to mention its superior sniper supression abitilty.
Again, I'm not trying to be rude I think you guys are cool. No hard feelings.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Posted: 3/11/2005 2:05 PM
By: Last Shenanigan
Not all your strategies are too well thought out, the whole parking the warthog on the teleporter and leaving it undefended is just asking them to jump in it with the flag and drive home. Kinda like what me and Godduck did when we played awhile back.
I know I've posted this link already but just in case you missed it.
http://www.bungie.net/Stats/GameStats.aspx?gameID=66711866&player=L %20a st%20Shenanigan
Thats the link to the game in which we beat you guys, using the banshee drop.
And finally, would you rather us drop out of the warthog and into the top of their base?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Posted: 3/11/2005 5:49 PM
By: God Duck
I tried the warthog dropping technique...
It didn't end as well as you think.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Posted: 3/12/2005 2:09 PM
By: UncleHerpie
man oh man oh man....*cracks knuckles*
To start...we are no longer "The Dusters" we are NudeUnderArmor. You know, a clever yet ridiculous clan name that a little bit, if not too much thought was put into. I am ALMOST surprised that you don't like this strategy...given that your entire clan with the exception of Reaper(we all know his roots)and sometimes Minx, is offensive minded, often leaving the base without a soul guarding it. So, our 1 totally offensive-minded maneuver, you decide to criticize. I can deal with that, however, I would like to make a few points of my own. After which, I am confident that you will agree with me(us), and be willing to hand over your precious Banshee when I ask for it...and I will. If not, then perhaps you are more suited to playing Star Wars games...
1. As far as the actual prodedure goes...What facts do you have to back up your claim that it rarely works? None?...Oh, my mistake, I thought someone would maybe do a little fact-gathering before stating said "facts". Well, if you would like to review the stats from our games on Waterworks, you will find that it works 90 to 95% of the time. Hahaha, and as Nick mentioned....there was the time we did it to you...odd. Need I mention, that this move was designed when reaper was in our clan, and he fully endorses it, and is one of the key factors in it's success.
2.Organized clans....where do I begin here? Well, I'll tell you! It would appear that we must often run into un-organized clans, given the sucess rate of the "Banshee Drop" and....if we also did it to you....would that then group your clan ...into the "Brotherhood of Un-organized Clans" Yes. Yes it does. Not that there was much doubt to begin with. *cough* defense *cough* Noobs indeed...
3. The "Dumb" Banshee Drop? What exactly makes it dumb? Need I critique every retarded thing you and your clan do? Cuz I will. I could probably write a thesis on it. I mean as far as I can tell, Minx is the best team player in your clan, and even she will abandon the team to save your sorry Banshee flying carcass.
4. The banshee sucks. Bad. It's a distractory vehicle, that is all. It is easily shot down with a pistol, and a well timed rocket is basically a certain kill. It has poor shooting abilty...must I go on? the fact that you "mastered" the art of banshee flying is more sad than anything. I mean, your 4-7 random kills are all well and good, but what purpose do they actually serve? I use the banshee on 2 occasions. When I need to get somewhere fast and it is the only vehicle left, and when I am goin to do the banshee drop. Note that I say "I" am going to do the banshee drop, because that is my role in the procedure. It was well thought out that way. Unlike random flying....or "scouting"...scouting?! Good god, what's the point of scouting, if when there is someone on top of our base getting ready to grab our flag, and I am saying out loud, that there is a person in a certain area, and noone, and I mean noone goes to even check it out. You have to keep in mind, that I am defending the flag....you heard it, defending the flag!!! I cannot abandon my post to go kill that person if there isn't adequate back-up, which there often isn't. Why? because if I fail to kill the person, they will have an open shot at our flag. Bad.
Moreover, do you know how much I care if the other team has 2 banshees? I don't. As far as I'm concerned, it's one less person doing something useful on the opposing team. One less person actively helping their team in an effort to get our flag. One less person getting useful kills on us. Do you see what I'm getting at?
How does it give you a huge advantage? They ALSO have a banshee...wouldn't that make it an even playing field? You know what else has good sniper supression? The base...where the flag is.
4. What is this all really about? Are you mad that I am using your precious Banshee? Feel free to take a ghost to their base and try to recover it. Then you can fly around to your heart's content. Meanwhile, I will return to Reaper with the Warthog that I left at the base, pick him up, and return with our flag. Sometimes, I'll even repeat the whole procedure 2 more times and win. Sometimes though, I'll just STAY AT THE BASE AND DEFEND!!! You see, what that does, is prevent the other team from scoring. As I've said before, defense wins championships, whether it be Baseball (Red Sox), or Football (Patriots X3), or even in Halo. Not that I can blame you, I mean what team can you emulate? What is it, like the Utah Jazz or something?.....heh, it's starting to make sense. Keep in mind, that I ONLY use this move on Waterworks, so any possible gripe you may have is on a map that comes up every once in awhile. I'm sure you can find something else to critique when it comes to us, something valid perhaps....
5. Your clan is good at slayer games. But guess what? 16 player slayer matches are rare. If they create a Big Team Slayer gametype in the new update, then you can feel free to bitch about our lack of killing *cough*Shenanigan*cough* How about Alerys when he's drinking? HE kills everyone!! I'm no slouch myself. GodDuck can be very effective before 9pm, when his brain shuts off. You should probably make reaper your overlord, because he is good at both slayer and objective games.
These are the people that I could make useful in our clan:
FlurbyBox : good all around skills and a monster long/mid-range ability
Minx : decent team play and slayer ability
MayHamn : good at quoting Christopher Columbus, and enjoyable to play with(peon spot baby!)
Reaper : Best player in your clan.
Owen : while inconsistent, when he's on, he's on.(not any longer)
...
...
that's all.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Posted: 3/12/2005 6:51 PM By: xxRedStarxx
You guys say that you have a 90 to 95 % sucess rate on waterworks. Well where did you get this number? I think your just making sh@t up. Let me introduce the following as evidence:
Last Shenigans stats on big team battle. 320 games played 135 wins. Let's see thats about a 42% success rate. Interesting.
UncleHerpies stats on big team battle. 355 games played 140 wins. That's also about a 40% success rate. Very interesting.
So either you suck really bad at all the other big team battle maps or your full of sh@t.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Posted: 3/12/2005 7:26 PM
By: UncleHerpie
Ghaa!! You dumb-ass!!!
How many of those games in big team battle are "capture the flag on Waterworks" All 355 of them?! What the crap are you talking about?! I'm saying that WHEN Waterworks comes up AND it is single flag or multi-flag, AND I perform the banshee drop, it has a sucess rate of 90 to 95%. I didn't say that I use a banshee drop in all 355 of my games played. Dammit man, get your facts straight.
Also, there are many games on Coag....where you aren't present....and noone even touches the banshee....and noone cares...and we score. As far as us vs. you on that map....let's do it...again...I don't care. Keep in mind that you would know that I would be doing it, and could prepare yourselves accordingly. Not to mention whoever takes Joe's place in the procedure would more than likely use a rocket on your goddamn Banshee before you could touch Nick in the Wraith. If not, it won't matter because none of you will be in the base defending anyway right? Also, who's to say you would even get our flag to begin with. Is it possible, yeah sure, but we'll put up one hell of a defensive stand to prevent it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Posted: 3/12/2005 8:10 PM
By: Last Shenanigan
Scout? I barely ever hear you talking in the party menu better yet in an actual game telling us anything we cant already see for ourselves.
Spawn kill vehicles? Why do you put such a huge importance on vehicles? They are in no way "precious" if you blow up all our vehicles I'll saddle up my 60 year old horse and hoof the map hugging the wall and sticking to the caves like I know what I'm doing.
Like any other weapon they have their advantages and disadvantages.
The banshee drop is just a quick try at their flag before they're ready most of the time it gets blown up while still sitting on their base. After that we do jump over the wall and grab it. The thing respawns in about 30 seconds cant you wait that long?
Honestly man you could've been alot more adult about this and not started a whole new thread for it... why not in ideas and contributions? Or how bout saying "thanks for letting me post here guys" like the rest of you clan did? No? I realize you say your not trying to be rude, but that doesnt mean you arent being rude. If we play a game together I will personally pal to pal find a working banshee and fly it all the way over to you (same team or not) and let you do all this "vehicle killing" or "sniper suppression" you want. More so you bring stats into the arguement? Dare I call you a hypocrite with YOUR stats? I got a great idea, go to YOUR forum post to YOUR clan about the really tiny details YOU dont like. Then when you and minx end up with two banshees you can fly all over hell and high five each other across your living room everytime one of you gets a kill.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Posted: 3/13/2005 2:11 PM
By: God Duck
LOUD NOISES!
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Comedic Gems...Halo Style!
Some of you don't have access to my Bungie.net forum. As such, you tend to miss many of the utterly hilarious posts that regularly occur therein. In this series of posts, I will be chronicling some of them for you. Note: Not every post will be of my keen intellect, so if something is only mildly amusing to you, blame the person who wrote it.
This week I'll be documenting our News page, with stunning, informative articles for all Bungie.net users and casual observers to read.
Keep on Bitchin' Baby!
Posted by UncleHerpie at 5/16/2005 5:15 PM
Here we are once again, celebrating our very own Bitch Thread. Who would have thought that now, on this, the something something of May, in the year...something something, we could look back at over a hundred different bitches. Not just any bitches mind you, but the kind of bitches you could only ever find at like, I dunno...a bitch factory or something.
There's been bitching about names, forum titles, Legendary Chaos, how and why Redstar was and still is a tool, GodDuck and his complete dedication to suckery, Dunbar79's lack of play-time and his sickening proclivity to intense "self-love", Last Shenanigan's exponentially increasing list of betrayals, UncleHerpie's overwhelmingly good looks and how they make everyone feel bad about themselves, Reaper42's clan-whoring, MayHamn being so old that we had to carbon-date him just to be sure he was in fact of homosapien nature, KSI and their cheating ways, more Legendary Chaos, and finally Bungie...and how they just plain suck. Only time will tell what future bitches will spread eagle and grace this ever popular thread, nay, this historic somethingorother of complete social importance and co(s)mic relevance.
All in all, I'd say it's been a good run so far, so let's keep on Bitchin' in the Free World and remember kids:
"If your crapping in a closet, always wipe from back to front."
Thank You, Goodnight
--------------------------------------
Bitch Thread 50th Anniversary
Posted by Last Shenanigan at 4/7/2005 4:05 PM
Over the past months the Dusters forums have had a shadow cast over it by one thread and several hundred complaints. The Bitch Thread. Started December 16, 2004 at about 7:40 PM Eastern Time.
The Bitch Thread has battled its way into the hearts of posters everywhere. Born and raised on the bungie.net forums, it has maintained its rich cultural heritage. But, like all young threads "bitch" has had its share of problems. Server downtime, editing, part-time jobs and worst of all, an abusive father that used and abused her way too often.
So how did this sassy young thread turn into a global conglomeration of passion and pure unbridled hate? Many believe its simply luck of the draw, being in the right place at the right time. Acclaimed actress Natalie Portman says "After seeing Apollo 13, what I really want to be is an astronaut. I'm dying to go to space camp next summer!". There are those who think differently though, when asked to comment on his "daughter's" wonderful sucess, all Mr. Herpie had to say was, "I'm going to take a dump in your closet, and wipe my ass onyour pillowcase" "Bitch" , seemingly unphased by her fathers harsh words, simply continued threading.
All disputes aside, today we celebrate the birth and continued dominance of this modern marvel. Arguably the greatest thread in the history of forums and blogs everywhere...one that can be compared to many of the other legendsof this or any time. Things such as the Jackinthebox, the Atom Bomb, and the rake simply pale in comparison.
So enjoy your stay Bitch, and we all hope to be here to celebrate your 100th anniversary.(see above)
-------------------------------------
New Bungie Update likely a farce!
Posted by UncleHerpie at 4/1/2005 8:21 PM
Before anyone jumps off the handle about todays update, keep in mind that today IS April Fools Day. If you weren't quite "swift" enough to catch on to this, then consider this your *hint hint wink wink*, so you don't look like an ass-clown. Well, more of an ass-clown than you already do...
-------------------------------------
"Your name here"
Posted by Last Shenanigan at 3/19/2005 10:15 AM
So as an act of goodwill, if you feel somehow your chosen forum title doesnt fit you, or you really swear you DONT pick your nose. Then we will be kind enough to rename you and perhaps a few of your family members with better titles. There are a few conditions however
1. It has to be socially acceptable.
2. It cannot be a title thats already taken. Each one of you are specifically limited in what you can do based on your title, and I mean limited.
3. It still has to be approved by the committee of nude spartans.
4. It has to be amusing. If you cant laugh at yourself, we'll do it for you.
I'd like to also point out that if you feel someone elses title should be changed and enough people on here agree with you then well, like it or not we'll change their title to please the masses.
That is except the Jabroni's... you know who you are and you'll never get a break. Even the pope would say your title fits you perfectly.
-----------------------------------
Member Roles Updated
Posted by UncleHerpie at 3/17/2005 10:56 PM
Well, the new forum member roles have been updated. If you were ever curious as to how everyone is viewed by Admin King Tut over there or the ever-so-lovable Retard Doom!, now is your chance to find out.
I think everyone will find that their respective title mirrors their personality to a "T".
Don't agree? Too Bad!!!
There's nothing you can do about it.
...jerks.
----------------------------------
Dear Jedi
Posted by Last Shenanigan at 5/26/2005 12:26 AM
(To a rival Clan Overlord)
Dear Jedi,
The war has spilled into our lives. What was once a beautiful arrangement has now turned scandalous. I realize now we can never be together. I regret I missed that one night where our two worlds were one, but I knew you couldn't stay. There are people out there who depend on you, who need you. I was so selfish to think you'd stay. If you believe that it is best for us to not see each other anymore I'll understand, but know this, we will never forget the sacrifice you made for us, and throughout eternity we will believe in your memory. You will always be our Sodomized Locomotive. Be strong my love, and may the force be with you.
This week I'll be documenting our News page, with stunning, informative articles for all Bungie.net users and casual observers to read.
Keep on Bitchin' Baby!
Posted by UncleHerpie at 5/16/2005 5:15 PM
Here we are once again, celebrating our very own Bitch Thread. Who would have thought that now, on this, the something something of May, in the year...something something, we could look back at over a hundred different bitches. Not just any bitches mind you, but the kind of bitches you could only ever find at like, I dunno...a bitch factory or something.
There's been bitching about names, forum titles, Legendary Chaos, how and why Redstar was and still is a tool, GodDuck and his complete dedication to suckery, Dunbar79's lack of play-time and his sickening proclivity to intense "self-love", Last Shenanigan's exponentially increasing list of betrayals, UncleHerpie's overwhelmingly good looks and how they make everyone feel bad about themselves, Reaper42's clan-whoring, MayHamn being so old that we had to carbon-date him just to be sure he was in fact of homosapien nature, KSI and their cheating ways, more Legendary Chaos, and finally Bungie...and how they just plain suck. Only time will tell what future bitches will spread eagle and grace this ever popular thread, nay, this historic somethingorother of complete social importance and co(s)mic relevance.
All in all, I'd say it's been a good run so far, so let's keep on Bitchin' in the Free World and remember kids:
"If your crapping in a closet, always wipe from back to front."
Thank You, Goodnight
--------------------------------------
Bitch Thread 50th Anniversary
Posted by Last Shenanigan at 4/7/2005 4:05 PM
Over the past months the Dusters forums have had a shadow cast over it by one thread and several hundred complaints. The Bitch Thread. Started December 16, 2004 at about 7:40 PM Eastern Time.
The Bitch Thread has battled its way into the hearts of posters everywhere. Born and raised on the bungie.net forums, it has maintained its rich cultural heritage. But, like all young threads "bitch" has had its share of problems. Server downtime, editing, part-time jobs and worst of all, an abusive father that used and abused her way too often.
So how did this sassy young thread turn into a global conglomeration of passion and pure unbridled hate? Many believe its simply luck of the draw, being in the right place at the right time. Acclaimed actress Natalie Portman says "After seeing Apollo 13, what I really want to be is an astronaut. I'm dying to go to space camp next summer!". There are those who think differently though, when asked to comment on his "daughter's" wonderful sucess, all Mr. Herpie had to say was, "I'm going to take a dump in your closet, and wipe my ass onyour pillowcase" "Bitch" , seemingly unphased by her fathers harsh words, simply continued threading.
All disputes aside, today we celebrate the birth and continued dominance of this modern marvel. Arguably the greatest thread in the history of forums and blogs everywhere...one that can be compared to many of the other legendsof this or any time. Things such as the Jackinthebox, the Atom Bomb, and the rake simply pale in comparison.
So enjoy your stay Bitch, and we all hope to be here to celebrate your 100th anniversary.(see above)
-------------------------------------
New Bungie Update likely a farce!
Posted by UncleHerpie at 4/1/2005 8:21 PM
Before anyone jumps off the handle about todays update, keep in mind that today IS April Fools Day. If you weren't quite "swift" enough to catch on to this, then consider this your *hint hint wink wink*, so you don't look like an ass-clown. Well, more of an ass-clown than you already do...
-------------------------------------
"Your name here"
Posted by Last Shenanigan at 3/19/2005 10:15 AM
So as an act of goodwill, if you feel somehow your chosen forum title doesnt fit you, or you really swear you DONT pick your nose. Then we will be kind enough to rename you and perhaps a few of your family members with better titles. There are a few conditions however
1. It has to be socially acceptable.
2. It cannot be a title thats already taken. Each one of you are specifically limited in what you can do based on your title, and I mean limited.
3. It still has to be approved by the committee of nude spartans.
4. It has to be amusing. If you cant laugh at yourself, we'll do it for you.
I'd like to also point out that if you feel someone elses title should be changed and enough people on here agree with you then well, like it or not we'll change their title to please the masses.
That is except the Jabroni's... you know who you are and you'll never get a break. Even the pope would say your title fits you perfectly.
-----------------------------------
Member Roles Updated
Posted by UncleHerpie at 3/17/2005 10:56 PM
Well, the new forum member roles have been updated. If you were ever curious as to how everyone is viewed by Admin King Tut over there or the ever-so-lovable Retard Doom!, now is your chance to find out.
I think everyone will find that their respective title mirrors their personality to a "T".
Don't agree? Too Bad!!!
There's nothing you can do about it.
...jerks.
----------------------------------
Dear Jedi
Posted by Last Shenanigan at 5/26/2005 12:26 AM
(To a rival Clan Overlord)
Dear Jedi,
The war has spilled into our lives. What was once a beautiful arrangement has now turned scandalous. I realize now we can never be together. I regret I missed that one night where our two worlds were one, but I knew you couldn't stay. There are people out there who depend on you, who need you. I was so selfish to think you'd stay. If you believe that it is best for us to not see each other anymore I'll understand, but know this, we will never forget the sacrifice you made for us, and throughout eternity we will believe in your memory. You will always be our Sodomized Locomotive. Be strong my love, and may the force be with you.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
About damn time!
After months of postponing and procrastination, I finally got my scanner working and managed to scan my newest(although no longer new) drawing of Doom. If you look back in the archives, you'll see the cover of the comic that I used. I'll keep a copy in the artwork section of my picture page as well. This was my fist experiment with color, a little different from my standard pen & ink drawings, and a far cry from my pencil only ones. I have yet to finish the foot, but I was excited to finally have a working scanner again, so I decided to test it out on the Doom pic.
My new cell phone is in the mail I think, and it should be up and running shortly. I'll post the number here so all you bitches and bitchettes can get in touch with me. Ahh..gotta love the double-feminine gender.
Oh yeah...Doom.
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Keepin' it warm!
Would you believe it?! The people who mail those bills actually WANT the money they're asking for!! Assholes.
Man, it really sucks when all your bills come in at the same time, especially when you are unemployed. Which, by the way, needs to be rectified immediately(resume' available upon request). I have my trusty cable and my...sweet, sweet internet...Who needs Gas?!
I'm gonna be canceling my home phone, and getting a cell, so that should make you bastards happy...always complaining about me not having one...
As hinted at in the title of this entry...I am indeed an Uncle. My brother decided not to use protection, and wouldn't cha know it....BAM! a baby! Anyway, I'm going to try my damnedest to get her to call me "Uncle Herpie"
Flurbybox is purchasing World of Warcraft today, which probably means we'll never see him again. I say we start preparing now for an Inter-net-ervention, or as I like to call it peer-to-peer pressure. Pretty soon, he and Nick will be pissing into thermoses and forgetting to eat "real" food, as they will undoubtedly acquire their sustenance in-game. Ah shit...I've gone and done it...oh well, I'm gonna bring you down with me...Picture it..."Karissa"..."Pissing in a thermos"...Oh man, I apologize for that, but it had to be done. It's that kind of harsh reality that these poor souls need. There is more to life than levels and XP.
Alright folks..I'm off to organize my freezer. All those thermoses are really starting to take up space...
Man, it really sucks when all your bills come in at the same time, especially when you are unemployed. Which, by the way, needs to be rectified immediately(resume' available upon request). I have my trusty cable and my...sweet, sweet internet...Who needs Gas?!
I'm gonna be canceling my home phone, and getting a cell, so that should make you bastards happy...always complaining about me not having one...
As hinted at in the title of this entry...I am indeed an Uncle. My brother decided not to use protection, and wouldn't cha know it....BAM! a baby! Anyway, I'm going to try my damnedest to get her to call me "Uncle Herpie"
Flurbybox is purchasing World of Warcraft today, which probably means we'll never see him again. I say we start preparing now for an Inter-net-ervention, or as I like to call it peer-to-peer pressure. Pretty soon, he and Nick will be pissing into thermoses and forgetting to eat "real" food, as they will undoubtedly acquire their sustenance in-game. Ah shit...I've gone and done it...oh well, I'm gonna bring you down with me...Picture it..."Karissa"..."Pissing in a thermos"...Oh man, I apologize for that, but it had to be done. It's that kind of harsh reality that these poor souls need. There is more to life than levels and XP.Alright folks..I'm off to organize my freezer. All those thermoses are really starting to take up space...
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Just like Ninjas...
You know what's great about going away? That's right, forgetting to tell everyone that you are doing so. At any rate I am back now from my harrowing journey to Virginia.
We started packing up my father's belongings on Thurs. We decided to pack the tools into one truck. As such, we made a concerted effort to keep the heavier stuff at the bottom, and to evenly distribute the weight. All the while ignoring the posted regulations inside the cargo box. Things such as: Total Weight Capacity: 2,600 Lbs. and "It is unlawful to transport motor vehicles, people, animals, combustibles, corrosives, and pressurized containers."
Surely those must have been jokes right? So, we loaded up a motorcycle, some gas cans, propane tanks, motor oil, paint thinner, paint, and other "unlawful" things, and packed it to a capacity of what we thought may have been around 4,500 Lbs. While the motorcycle was in the other truck, you get my point. Anyway, feeling content with ourselves, we loaded siad motorcyle and all the furniture into the other truck. This on was significantly lighter than the other Tool Truck, but we were rapidly running out of space. I t was then that I decided to save the day and inform them thet they were going to need another truck or a tow behind to fit the remaining stuff. So we decided to "perpetrate" as the kiddies say nowadays, and get a U-haul tow-behind for our fleet of Penske Trucks. The tow-behind went on the tool truck, as the other truck had to tow my father's 1932 Ford HotRod and anything we could stuff in or around it. So here we are both exceeding the hauling capacity by some 1900 Lbs. AND we are towing an additional trailer behind it. Keeping in mind that my father is driving the safer of the two trucks. He gets the furniture/hotrod truck, while I get the goddamned "Death Mobile".
Let's flashback about 2 hours. I'm giving the dog a flea bath, because he found it necessary to become infested with sand fleas before the trip. So, I kill the majority of the fleas, but of course, some decide that I'd make a good meal instead. So, they obviously hide away in my pants or something, as I can already see and feel the bites. It is at this point that I think to myself, "Man, this is going to be great!"
And we're off! Leaving Rochester, MA after an extended period of time due to the buyer of my father's house having some last minute shenanigans to pull. Because my father didn't have to pay a brokerage fee on selling the house, she thought the $15,000 should rightfully go to her...Yeah, I don't understand it either. Apparently, this was the first her lawyer had even heard about it. So, after some other crazy-bitch things, they finally sign and close the deal. We end up leaving at about 3:15pm, a good 3 hours after our projected time. This particularly sucks, because we wanted to be in CT by the time rush hour came around, but now, this was not to be.
We are about 7 minutes away from the house when MY truck(of course) begins to violently sway from left to right...and when I say violent, I mean DEATHDEFYING! So, I immediately pull slowly to the right of the road and gently apply pressure to the brakes. Eventually the truck pulls to a complete stop. It was at this moment that we realize that we won't be able to travel at the projected "maximum warp" (65 mph). Yup, so 50-55 it is...all the way to VA. I shouldn't have to mention that we hit rush-hour traffic all the way through RI, which sucks even WITHOUT rush hour.
This trip, unlike most southward trips, was NOT driven down Rt. 95, we took the long way. From MA through RI, CT, NY(state), PA, MD, WV, and VA. So, I'll break it down by state for you.
MA: 1st teetering
RI: Rush hour and traffic jams due to accidents
CT: Long and boring drive, as we were going west not totally south. We stopped for dinner at Denny's on the CT/NY border, and I must say, it smelled like sewage. I think there was at least one more teetering
NY: Just as boring as CT, but at least I had some good radio stations(no cd player) I believe we drove through the Karissaville part of NY, in the Huson Valley area. Had 1 teetering going up a hiil and around a bend...that was fun.
PA: How to describe it...wait, I'll get to that. First we decide to get a motel for the night, but many of them have no vacancy. We find a sign for an inn on the side of the road, and decide to try it...little did we know it was a mile and a half up a stupid narrow windy road with no street lights. We finally get there and discover that it is more of a bed n' breakfast type of thing with farmanimals and the like. My father goes to see what their rates are, but comes back and we decide to find a real motel instead. So, back down the stupid road, an lo and behold, my trailer lights stop working. "Well, I hope we don't get pulled over." Back on the highway for another hour or so, before we can find a motel. Luckily for us, this particular motel DID allow pets. So, we sleep through till the next morning, get a quick breakfast and off we go. And go....and go... PA sucks. You wanna know what pennsylvania looks like? Here, take a piece of paper and draw a road off into the distance, you can make it wind if you want, but just make sure you make it go off into the distance...now, put notheing but corn on either side of the road as far as the eye can see. O.k., now in the background, I want you to put the Appalachin mountains. Good. After hours and hours of driving, it is now time to CLIMB said mountains...in an overweight box truck...that is towing an additional trailer. You can probably guess the RPMs that I was running at going both up and down peaks and valleys. It was insane. But this is ME we're talking about folks...you know it 's about to get a shit-ton worse. The highway quickly goes down to 2 lanes...and I see some upcoming road construction...BAM! one lane! And it's between Jersey Barriers on both sides...I can't pull off now...I'm trapped within 8 miles of jersey barriers on either side...then I see it...the road is all chewed up and uneven. NOw when I say uneven, I mean it's uneven at a diagonal slant. Meaning that one of my tires is going to hit it before the other...which is going to create a massive shift in my center of gravity...you can guess where this is going...So I hit it, and of course violenty sway back and forth between jersey barriers with nowhere to go...what's worse is the pavement continues to be imbalanced with more and more rolls and flats on both sides of the truck. Keep in mind that if I crash, I'm going to be blocking the ENTIRE highway going through PA. Whether through my skillful driving or even perhaps the road itself...I managed to slow my self to 30 something miles an hour. At this point noone can pass me, because it's only one lane, and there's nothing I can do about it. Not that the truck would go any faster that that without the momentum to carry it along. In one of the mountains I saw a sign that read Shamokin - Pottsville , and I laughed to myself...Luckily, this highway comes to an end, and we are on a much better highway, both in breadth and maintenence.
MD: We immediately cross the Mason-Dixon line, and I swear that I smell BBQ.
WV: What can I say about West Virginia...nothing.
VA: Finally we're in our destination state! I see massive, town-sized buildings for both Taget and Wal-Mart. With fleets and fleets of trucks...I'm guessing they were distribution centers. They had fleets and fleets of trucks...it was crazy. More historical stuff...The Potomac, Anteitam, New Market Battleground...among others. It was around this time that I noticed the exits were counting down from 320something...and that they coincided with the mile markers. Now we had to get off at exit 114, I can't tell you how discouraging that was. We drove through the Shenandoah Valley, which was nice...Add 1 or 2 more teeters in there somewhere, but at this point I didn't really even care about them, I just took them and continued driving...We get off at exit 114, which is rt. 8. Now, I haven't been to many states, but the route systems here are crazy. Their highways are like our back alleys. And here I am in a giant box truck with too much weight in it. After an indescribaly long and winding, dipping and peaking, banking and bumping road, we get to another one that is even longer...FUCK! 20 miles later and sweaty palms underneath white knuckles we finally get there...the end of the long journey! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...Now we get to take everything OFF the trucks...We decide to hold off until the next day. We go and grab some delicious bbq dinner, and head off to another motel, as my father hasn't closed on the new house yet. I won't even bother describing the layout of Hillsville, VA...you can probably guees why it's called that...and yes...it probably also has to do with the "HILLBILLIES" as well...Needless to say, it is in the middle of fucking nowhere, high atop the blue ridge mountains. We get a knock at the door, and it's my father asking about breakfast. My friend Matt, who joined us by way of Richmond, VA..agreed to go, but I...morning person that I am, elected to remain in bed. When I do finally get up, I see that all of Hillsville is covered in thick fog...I think to myself...hmmm....this isn't fog, is it...I'm in a fucking cloud! Now it's time to unload the trrucks...this, surprisingly is MUCH easier than loading it...must be that whole gravity thing...We head in the house for a sec, for some drinks and come back out only to see that about 50 cows had silently made their way to the fence between my father's property and his neaghbors...they were all lined up at the fence, probably 30 strong, with some in ranks behind them...and they are just staring...not eating, not pooping...nothing...just staring...It was the creepiest moment I've had in a long time. They snuck up on us like Ninja Cows. If I only had my camera handy...it was crazy! So we get the unloading done by about 1:00 and go to get some lunch at a nice buffet place in the bustling metropolis that is Galax, VA. Matt and I decide to head on to Richmond before it gets too late. By now, the cloud has passed or the fog has cleared, and I can see Hillsville...it's nice...nice and hilly. I nice 4+ hour ride back to Matt's place, through mountains and valleys, and flatlands and prostitutes...We get to his house and decide to go grocery shopping after a nice cold shower. Yep a cold shower...because in an effort to blend in with the local community, I wore a wife-beater tanktop whilst unloading the trucks, and sucessfully burnt the impression of a wife-beater into my skin via the sun. By the time we got to Richmond, it was quite painful. So we get some groceries...me my normal stuff, Poptarts, jalepeno jack cheese, triscuts, tropicana twister, and some beef jerky. Matt gets some healthy/organic crap for he and his also healthy living girlfriend Lynn. We did have some Vegetable Tort made for us upon our return, and it was pretty damn good, I must say. The next day I read both "The lion, the witch, and the wardrobe", and "Prince Caspain" in anticipation of the up coming movies. That night we decided to go out to eat some mexican food. It was also pretty damn good, although I forgot to pay Matt back for taking care of the check with his card. I'm going to have to pay for his inevitable meal at Jalepeno's Taqeria in Walpole, MA. Make sure someone reminds me...Next day, I watch hours and hours of The Simpsons season 4 on dvd, and then we're off to the airport. I get there at around 4:40 with plenty of time to check my luggage, and some luggage that I agreed to take for Matt to lighten his load when he comes back up to MA in a week or so. My flight is scheduled to leave at 6:25 and arrive in Boston at 8:05.
Now, if you know me at all, you knew that this would never come to pass...I was reviewing the flight arrival and departure boards at around 6:00 just to make sure everything was going smoothly...and as I was watching the board, MY flight...no others...switches to "DELAYED" Of course, what else could happen...I almost felt like appologizing to everyone else on the flight...as it was most undoubtedly my fault. We get a message over the speakers that we will have an update at 7:30...7:30 rolls around and we get the update that there IS NO update, and that they will get back to us every half hour. Blah blah blah, 7 chapters later in my book that thankfully I brought, and 9:18 rolls around, and finally we get to board the plane. It's one of those little-ass jobbers that fly express to and from major cities. The whole flight lasted about an hour and 15 minutes, with a lot of sitting around as usual.
Andrew, Affie, and Andrew's father picked me up at the airport, and luckily Adrew's father had fast lane, and we didn't have to wait for the toll to get out of Logan. I got home, took a shit and a shower, checked my e-mail, discovered that my phone had been shut off, and went to Andrew's to watch Star Trek: First Contact. I fell asleep.
Well, that should just about do it. Make sure you read it all, because I took the time to type it!
assholes.
We started packing up my father's belongings on Thurs. We decided to pack the tools into one truck. As such, we made a concerted effort to keep the heavier stuff at the bottom, and to evenly distribute the weight. All the while ignoring the posted regulations inside the cargo box. Things such as: Total Weight Capacity: 2,600 Lbs. and "It is unlawful to transport motor vehicles, people, animals, combustibles, corrosives, and pressurized containers."
Surely those must have been jokes right? So, we loaded up a motorcycle, some gas cans, propane tanks, motor oil, paint thinner, paint, and other "unlawful" things, and packed it to a capacity of what we thought may have been around 4,500 Lbs. While the motorcycle was in the other truck, you get my point. Anyway, feeling content with ourselves, we loaded siad motorcyle and all the furniture into the other truck. This on was significantly lighter than the other Tool Truck, but we were rapidly running out of space. I t was then that I decided to save the day and inform them thet they were going to need another truck or a tow behind to fit the remaining stuff. So we decided to "perpetrate" as the kiddies say nowadays, and get a U-haul tow-behind for our fleet of Penske Trucks. The tow-behind went on the tool truck, as the other truck had to tow my father's 1932 Ford HotRod and anything we could stuff in or around it. So here we are both exceeding the hauling capacity by some 1900 Lbs. AND we are towing an additional trailer behind it. Keeping in mind that my father is driving the safer of the two trucks. He gets the furniture/hotrod truck, while I get the goddamned "Death Mobile".
Let's flashback about 2 hours. I'm giving the dog a flea bath, because he found it necessary to become infested with sand fleas before the trip. So, I kill the majority of the fleas, but of course, some decide that I'd make a good meal instead. So, they obviously hide away in my pants or something, as I can already see and feel the bites. It is at this point that I think to myself, "Man, this is going to be great!"
And we're off! Leaving Rochester, MA after an extended period of time due to the buyer of my father's house having some last minute shenanigans to pull. Because my father didn't have to pay a brokerage fee on selling the house, she thought the $15,000 should rightfully go to her...Yeah, I don't understand it either. Apparently, this was the first her lawyer had even heard about it. So, after some other crazy-bitch things, they finally sign and close the deal. We end up leaving at about 3:15pm, a good 3 hours after our projected time. This particularly sucks, because we wanted to be in CT by the time rush hour came around, but now, this was not to be.
We are about 7 minutes away from the house when MY truck(of course) begins to violently sway from left to right...and when I say violent, I mean DEATHDEFYING! So, I immediately pull slowly to the right of the road and gently apply pressure to the brakes. Eventually the truck pulls to a complete stop. It was at this moment that we realize that we won't be able to travel at the projected "maximum warp" (65 mph). Yup, so 50-55 it is...all the way to VA. I shouldn't have to mention that we hit rush-hour traffic all the way through RI, which sucks even WITHOUT rush hour.
This trip, unlike most southward trips, was NOT driven down Rt. 95, we took the long way. From MA through RI, CT, NY(state), PA, MD, WV, and VA. So, I'll break it down by state for you.
MA: 1st teetering
RI: Rush hour and traffic jams due to accidents
CT: Long and boring drive, as we were going west not totally south. We stopped for dinner at Denny's on the CT/NY border, and I must say, it smelled like sewage. I think there was at least one more teetering
NY: Just as boring as CT, but at least I had some good radio stations(no cd player) I believe we drove through the Karissaville part of NY, in the Huson Valley area. Had 1 teetering going up a hiil and around a bend...that was fun.
PA: How to describe it...wait, I'll get to that. First we decide to get a motel for the night, but many of them have no vacancy. We find a sign for an inn on the side of the road, and decide to try it...little did we know it was a mile and a half up a stupid narrow windy road with no street lights. We finally get there and discover that it is more of a bed n' breakfast type of thing with farmanimals and the like. My father goes to see what their rates are, but comes back and we decide to find a real motel instead. So, back down the stupid road, an lo and behold, my trailer lights stop working. "Well, I hope we don't get pulled over." Back on the highway for another hour or so, before we can find a motel. Luckily for us, this particular motel DID allow pets. So, we sleep through till the next morning, get a quick breakfast and off we go. And go....and go... PA sucks. You wanna know what pennsylvania looks like? Here, take a piece of paper and draw a road off into the distance, you can make it wind if you want, but just make sure you make it go off into the distance...now, put notheing but corn on either side of the road as far as the eye can see. O.k., now in the background, I want you to put the Appalachin mountains. Good. After hours and hours of driving, it is now time to CLIMB said mountains...in an overweight box truck...that is towing an additional trailer. You can probably guess the RPMs that I was running at going both up and down peaks and valleys. It was insane. But this is ME we're talking about folks...you know it 's about to get a shit-ton worse. The highway quickly goes down to 2 lanes...and I see some upcoming road construction...BAM! one lane! And it's between Jersey Barriers on both sides...I can't pull off now...I'm trapped within 8 miles of jersey barriers on either side...then I see it...the road is all chewed up and uneven. NOw when I say uneven, I mean it's uneven at a diagonal slant. Meaning that one of my tires is going to hit it before the other...which is going to create a massive shift in my center of gravity...you can guess where this is going...So I hit it, and of course violenty sway back and forth between jersey barriers with nowhere to go...what's worse is the pavement continues to be imbalanced with more and more rolls and flats on both sides of the truck. Keep in mind that if I crash, I'm going to be blocking the ENTIRE highway going through PA. Whether through my skillful driving or even perhaps the road itself...I managed to slow my self to 30 something miles an hour. At this point noone can pass me, because it's only one lane, and there's nothing I can do about it. Not that the truck would go any faster that that without the momentum to carry it along. In one of the mountains I saw a sign that read Shamokin - Pottsville , and I laughed to myself...Luckily, this highway comes to an end, and we are on a much better highway, both in breadth and maintenence.
MD: We immediately cross the Mason-Dixon line, and I swear that I smell BBQ.
WV: What can I say about West Virginia...nothing.
VA: Finally we're in our destination state! I see massive, town-sized buildings for both Taget and Wal-Mart. With fleets and fleets of trucks...I'm guessing they were distribution centers. They had fleets and fleets of trucks...it was crazy. More historical stuff...The Potomac, Anteitam, New Market Battleground...among others. It was around this time that I noticed the exits were counting down from 320something...and that they coincided with the mile markers. Now we had to get off at exit 114, I can't tell you how discouraging that was. We drove through the Shenandoah Valley, which was nice...Add 1 or 2 more teeters in there somewhere, but at this point I didn't really even care about them, I just took them and continued driving...We get off at exit 114, which is rt. 8. Now, I haven't been to many states, but the route systems here are crazy. Their highways are like our back alleys. And here I am in a giant box truck with too much weight in it. After an indescribaly long and winding, dipping and peaking, banking and bumping road, we get to another one that is even longer...FUCK! 20 miles later and sweaty palms underneath white knuckles we finally get there...the end of the long journey! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...Now we get to take everything OFF the trucks...We decide to hold off until the next day. We go and grab some delicious bbq dinner, and head off to another motel, as my father hasn't closed on the new house yet. I won't even bother describing the layout of Hillsville, VA...you can probably guees why it's called that...and yes...it probably also has to do with the "HILLBILLIES" as well...Needless to say, it is in the middle of fucking nowhere, high atop the blue ridge mountains. We get a knock at the door, and it's my father asking about breakfast. My friend Matt, who joined us by way of Richmond, VA..agreed to go, but I...morning person that I am, elected to remain in bed. When I do finally get up, I see that all of Hillsville is covered in thick fog...I think to myself...hmmm....this isn't fog, is it...I'm in a fucking cloud! Now it's time to unload the trrucks...this, surprisingly is MUCH easier than loading it...must be that whole gravity thing...We head in the house for a sec, for some drinks and come back out only to see that about 50 cows had silently made their way to the fence between my father's property and his neaghbors...they were all lined up at the fence, probably 30 strong, with some in ranks behind them...and they are just staring...not eating, not pooping...nothing...just staring...It was the creepiest moment I've had in a long time. They snuck up on us like Ninja Cows. If I only had my camera handy...it was crazy! So we get the unloading done by about 1:00 and go to get some lunch at a nice buffet place in the bustling metropolis that is Galax, VA. Matt and I decide to head on to Richmond before it gets too late. By now, the cloud has passed or the fog has cleared, and I can see Hillsville...it's nice...nice and hilly. I nice 4+ hour ride back to Matt's place, through mountains and valleys, and flatlands and prostitutes...We get to his house and decide to go grocery shopping after a nice cold shower. Yep a cold shower...because in an effort to blend in with the local community, I wore a wife-beater tanktop whilst unloading the trucks, and sucessfully burnt the impression of a wife-beater into my skin via the sun. By the time we got to Richmond, it was quite painful. So we get some groceries...me my normal stuff, Poptarts, jalepeno jack cheese, triscuts, tropicana twister, and some beef jerky. Matt gets some healthy/organic crap for he and his also healthy living girlfriend Lynn. We did have some Vegetable Tort made for us upon our return, and it was pretty damn good, I must say. The next day I read both "The lion, the witch, and the wardrobe", and "Prince Caspain" in anticipation of the up coming movies. That night we decided to go out to eat some mexican food. It was also pretty damn good, although I forgot to pay Matt back for taking care of the check with his card. I'm going to have to pay for his inevitable meal at Jalepeno's Taqeria in Walpole, MA. Make sure someone reminds me...Next day, I watch hours and hours of The Simpsons season 4 on dvd, and then we're off to the airport. I get there at around 4:40 with plenty of time to check my luggage, and some luggage that I agreed to take for Matt to lighten his load when he comes back up to MA in a week or so. My flight is scheduled to leave at 6:25 and arrive in Boston at 8:05.
Now, if you know me at all, you knew that this would never come to pass...I was reviewing the flight arrival and departure boards at around 6:00 just to make sure everything was going smoothly...and as I was watching the board, MY flight...no others...switches to "DELAYED" Of course, what else could happen...I almost felt like appologizing to everyone else on the flight...as it was most undoubtedly my fault. We get a message over the speakers that we will have an update at 7:30...7:30 rolls around and we get the update that there IS NO update, and that they will get back to us every half hour. Blah blah blah, 7 chapters later in my book that thankfully I brought, and 9:18 rolls around, and finally we get to board the plane. It's one of those little-ass jobbers that fly express to and from major cities. The whole flight lasted about an hour and 15 minutes, with a lot of sitting around as usual.
Andrew, Affie, and Andrew's father picked me up at the airport, and luckily Adrew's father had fast lane, and we didn't have to wait for the toll to get out of Logan. I got home, took a shit and a shower, checked my e-mail, discovered that my phone had been shut off, and went to Andrew's to watch Star Trek: First Contact. I fell asleep.
Well, that should just about do it. Make sure you read it all, because I took the time to type it!
assholes.
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Suggestions?
To start, I would like to thank Nick for illustrating how frustrated he gets when he doesn't get as much gold as he wanted for the arrows he spent 38 straight hours fabricating and assembling. I mean "hell!" these arrows add +4 to your nerd factor, surely 50 gp isn't too much to ask for!
Last week, I was given a suggestion as to what to write about, and I think it turned out pretty funny. So, I wanna take some more ideas for me to rant or comment on.
Not too much this time around, as I am tired from a long day of helping my father get ready to move to VA. Just want to voice MY frustration towards Comcast, for fucking with the Anime Selects portion of their onDemand programming. As many of you may already know, I am...or WAS rather...invested in a number of various anime programs. Alas, comcast decided to revamp the playlists with dumb-ass names like seishun, wasabi, and mad sushi. I don't even know what that crap stands for. It used to be action, comedy, drama, and fantasy...which was cut n' dry. Anyway, the real issue is this: THEY RESTARTED ALL THE EXISTING SERIES AT EPISODE 1!!!!! So, after all the time I spent watching these shows every week was allin vain. Because now I have to wait for weeks and weeks for it to return to the episodes that I was on. To put it in the immortal words of Steve Carell, "blugggebrrrugghhnnnghhhbblllaahh----nnnnn-kkaakaapoopoo."
Last week, I was given a suggestion as to what to write about, and I think it turned out pretty funny. So, I wanna take some more ideas for me to rant or comment on.
Not too much this time around, as I am tired from a long day of helping my father get ready to move to VA. Just want to voice MY frustration towards Comcast, for fucking with the Anime Selects portion of their onDemand programming. As many of you may already know, I am...or WAS rather...invested in a number of various anime programs. Alas, comcast decided to revamp the playlists with dumb-ass names like seishun, wasabi, and mad sushi. I don't even know what that crap stands for. It used to be action, comedy, drama, and fantasy...which was cut n' dry. Anyway, the real issue is this: THEY RESTARTED ALL THE EXISTING SERIES AT EPISODE 1!!!!! So, after all the time I spent watching these shows every week was allin vain. Because now I have to wait for weeks and weeks for it to return to the episodes that I was on. To put it in the immortal words of Steve Carell, "blugggebrrrugghhnnnghhhbblllaahh----nnnnn-kkaakaapoopoo."
Sunday, August 14, 2005
I am The Thin Brown Line...
As per request, let us delve into the inner workings of NudeUnderArmor. I'd say we have a well rounded team at this point. Due to Last Shenanigan's absence, the rest of us have been forced to pick up the slack. Thus far, aside from the occasional shady occurrence, team killing, and outright cheating...we have been up to the task. Especially on Relic...it's a rare thing if we get outclassed on Relic, we seem to have that map worked out just right. At any rate, let's examine the general roles of each semi-active member of the clan.
Last Shenanigan: It would seem that the Halo gods shine down upon him. He is usually in a constant state of Juggernaut settings...until you see him actually become the Juggernaut...then it's just obscene. His roles include sniping, jump sniping, round the corner sniping, sniping through explosions, diversionary sniping, rocketing, grenading, mid-range battle-rifling, melees, assassinations, tank driving(Wraith and Scorpion), friendly fire, friendly grenades, throwing empty weapons at incoming plasma grenades, and a general knack for outright team killing (by team I mean THE WHOLE TEAM). It doesn't matter if you are 98% done arming a bomb and you are on his team...he's going to shoot you in the face with a rocket. To put it simply, he's an asshole.
FlurbyBox: A skilled player who can often be found causing havoc unto the other team. Easily the second most skilled member of the clan. He's generally the secondary sniper, often taking up the mantle for Shenanigan should he care to kill you or others with a different array of weapons. He's a monster mid range battle-rifler, and a general asset to the team. He will often go on a complete rampage and rack up as many, if not more kills than the entire rest of the team. He has become quite skilled with the Scorpion Tank, especially on Containment. He likes his women like he like his chicken...
fried.
Reaper42: The Melee Machine. Due to him adopting the "boxer" settings as a controller scheme, he can usually be found in the midst of about 4 to 8 members of the opposite team. While he will most likely perish, you had better bet your bottom dollar that he's taking a bunch of them out with him. He has perfected the use of the shotgun, and can actually kill an ass-load of people with it...god knows how. His kills tend to greatly outweigh his deaths...unless he's on Terminal...then...well...it's pretty damn ugly...
just like him...har har har
Alerys: "The Runaway Kid" as he's known in some circles. Don't even bother chasing him if you hear him utter the words, "Mother!"...it's all a ploy to lure you in. His goal is to lead you as far through the level as possible, so as to be killed by another combatant. Not that you could catch him anyway, he's a slippery devil with a bullet-proof iron plate in his back. Don't let his cowardly outward appearance fool you, he'll tear you to sheds with a battle rifle. With his recent acquisition of a larger HDTV, this skill is bound to improve. You can never count him out, even if it seems that you will beat him without a shadow of a doubt. He has a 72 foot lunge technique that noone else has perfected, and he will employ this tactic in a last act of desperation. Also, beware of throwing frag grenades at him, as he is also known to shoot them out of the air just as it leaves your hand.
CommieKitty: Well, she's a girl. Yet, she's good at Halo...which is a Video Game...I don't understand it either. Nevertheless, she's a skilled player who seems to play just as well when she's piss drunk as when she is sober. She can often be found chatting up a storm in a private pre-game lobby or even on a map. Because of her popularity, she has some high-ranking friends that enjoy playing with her, thus increasing her rank. Luckily for her, she can back up her acquired rank on any given day. It's obvious to me that she has a thing for UncleHerpie, and wants to have his babies.
BabyHerpie?
BlueSol: Generally known as "Sonic", as it was his original gamertag that he used...to harass, yell at, and generally annoy people into liking him. He can often be found chatting up a storm with CommieKitty. He's a good sniper, even if he often allows the other team to take possession of it. He's pretty competent in a vehicle, as he is often racking up kills in a Banshee or a Ghost. He is easily the Clan-hoppingest Whore there ever was, even putting the infamous Reaper to shame.
GodDuck: *resists the urge to omit him completely* Where to begin? Easily the worst person to ever drive a warthog. He'll run you over, run you down, run into you, run you into a rock, or a tree, and may even run you straight into a wall or off a cliff. He's contantly in your way no matter the circumstance, but he's nowhere to be found when you might need an extra gun. If he's not in your way, then he's apart from the team altogether....more than likely shooting at rocks. He has a general lack of motivation to play, and when he does, he pays little attention to what he is doing. He will return an enemy flag to it starting position after you killed an entire team just to get it out of their base. The sad part of all this is simply: HE WAS AN AMAZING HALO 1 PLAYER!!! I hate you Todd.
Dunbar79: If there is anyone who bitches more than I do...it's Dunbar. Everyone is out to get him, and none of the weapons work for him. Despite his insistence that the shotgun is a useless hunk of scrap metal, he won't hesitate to pick it up and attempt to gun down an enemy at mid-range...while they are plastering him with battle rifle rounds. He runs at about 1/2 speed, and it's even worse if he is holding a bomb or flag. He often complains about not having decent weapons, when in fact, it's just that he doesn't go looking for them. He has not memorized even the original maps that were contained on the disc itself. He can often be found cowering inside a base avoiding the battle altogether...which is just where his teammates want him. The strange thing about it is the fact that he is excellent at Single Player Halo. If he can overcome the bitterness in his heart and the unwavering dissatisfaction in his very core, he will emerge from his veil of hatred and be a decent Halo player.
...full of hate.
I won't bother detailing the extraneous(word of the day) players in the clan, perhaps when they become more active...but they include: Ronnie06, MrGuardo, FroggieZ, KillaKay47, and Edible Mustache
That being said...it bring me to the final member of the clan...
UncleHerpie: Recently deemed "The Thin Brown Line" He is often the last line of defense in the majority of objective games such as Assault and Capture the Flag. While he has become adept at mid-range battle-rifling, he often reverts to his trusty dual-wielding weapon combo, of the SMG/Plasma Rifle variety. A good all-around player, who always gets the shit-end of the stick...y grenade. A constant complainer who feels it necessary to share his pain via the "white button" for all to hear. He is constantly badgering random sucky players that he is forced to team with. He lives up the moniker "The Thin Brown Line of Defense" because if you see that he's the only one in the base and his icon is flashing yellow and red you had better believe that some SHIT is about to go down.
Learn it, love it, and accept it as truth.
-UncleHerpie-
Last Shenanigan: It would seem that the Halo gods shine down upon him. He is usually in a constant state of Juggernaut settings...until you see him actually become the Juggernaut...then it's just obscene. His roles include sniping, jump sniping, round the corner sniping, sniping through explosions, diversionary sniping, rocketing, grenading, mid-range battle-rifling, melees, assassinations, tank driving(Wraith and Scorpion), friendly fire, friendly grenades, throwing empty weapons at incoming plasma grenades, and a general knack for outright team killing (by team I mean THE WHOLE TEAM). It doesn't matter if you are 98% done arming a bomb and you are on his team...he's going to shoot you in the face with a rocket. To put it simply, he's an asshole.
FlurbyBox: A skilled player who can often be found causing havoc unto the other team. Easily the second most skilled member of the clan. He's generally the secondary sniper, often taking up the mantle for Shenanigan should he care to kill you or others with a different array of weapons. He's a monster mid range battle-rifler, and a general asset to the team. He will often go on a complete rampage and rack up as many, if not more kills than the entire rest of the team. He has become quite skilled with the Scorpion Tank, especially on Containment. He likes his women like he like his chicken...
fried.
Reaper42: The Melee Machine. Due to him adopting the "boxer" settings as a controller scheme, he can usually be found in the midst of about 4 to 8 members of the opposite team. While he will most likely perish, you had better bet your bottom dollar that he's taking a bunch of them out with him. He has perfected the use of the shotgun, and can actually kill an ass-load of people with it...god knows how. His kills tend to greatly outweigh his deaths...unless he's on Terminal...then...well...it's pretty damn ugly...
just like him...har har har
Alerys: "The Runaway Kid" as he's known in some circles. Don't even bother chasing him if you hear him utter the words, "Mother!"...it's all a ploy to lure you in. His goal is to lead you as far through the level as possible, so as to be killed by another combatant. Not that you could catch him anyway, he's a slippery devil with a bullet-proof iron plate in his back. Don't let his cowardly outward appearance fool you, he'll tear you to sheds with a battle rifle. With his recent acquisition of a larger HDTV, this skill is bound to improve. You can never count him out, even if it seems that you will beat him without a shadow of a doubt. He has a 72 foot lunge technique that noone else has perfected, and he will employ this tactic in a last act of desperation. Also, beware of throwing frag grenades at him, as he is also known to shoot them out of the air just as it leaves your hand.
CommieKitty: Well, she's a girl. Yet, she's good at Halo...which is a Video Game...I don't understand it either. Nevertheless, she's a skilled player who seems to play just as well when she's piss drunk as when she is sober. She can often be found chatting up a storm in a private pre-game lobby or even on a map. Because of her popularity, she has some high-ranking friends that enjoy playing with her, thus increasing her rank. Luckily for her, she can back up her acquired rank on any given day. It's obvious to me that she has a thing for UncleHerpie, and wants to have his babies.
BabyHerpie?
BlueSol: Generally known as "Sonic", as it was his original gamertag that he used...to harass, yell at, and generally annoy people into liking him. He can often be found chatting up a storm with CommieKitty. He's a good sniper, even if he often allows the other team to take possession of it. He's pretty competent in a vehicle, as he is often racking up kills in a Banshee or a Ghost. He is easily the Clan-hoppingest Whore there ever was, even putting the infamous Reaper to shame.
GodDuck: *resists the urge to omit him completely* Where to begin? Easily the worst person to ever drive a warthog. He'll run you over, run you down, run into you, run you into a rock, or a tree, and may even run you straight into a wall or off a cliff. He's contantly in your way no matter the circumstance, but he's nowhere to be found when you might need an extra gun. If he's not in your way, then he's apart from the team altogether....more than likely shooting at rocks. He has a general lack of motivation to play, and when he does, he pays little attention to what he is doing. He will return an enemy flag to it starting position after you killed an entire team just to get it out of their base. The sad part of all this is simply: HE WAS AN AMAZING HALO 1 PLAYER!!! I hate you Todd.
Dunbar79: If there is anyone who bitches more than I do...it's Dunbar. Everyone is out to get him, and none of the weapons work for him. Despite his insistence that the shotgun is a useless hunk of scrap metal, he won't hesitate to pick it up and attempt to gun down an enemy at mid-range...while they are plastering him with battle rifle rounds. He runs at about 1/2 speed, and it's even worse if he is holding a bomb or flag. He often complains about not having decent weapons, when in fact, it's just that he doesn't go looking for them. He has not memorized even the original maps that were contained on the disc itself. He can often be found cowering inside a base avoiding the battle altogether...which is just where his teammates want him. The strange thing about it is the fact that he is excellent at Single Player Halo. If he can overcome the bitterness in his heart and the unwavering dissatisfaction in his very core, he will emerge from his veil of hatred and be a decent Halo player.
...full of hate.
I won't bother detailing the extraneous(word of the day) players in the clan, perhaps when they become more active...but they include: Ronnie06, MrGuardo, FroggieZ, KillaKay47, and Edible Mustache
That being said...it bring me to the final member of the clan...
UncleHerpie: Recently deemed "The Thin Brown Line" He is often the last line of defense in the majority of objective games such as Assault and Capture the Flag. While he has become adept at mid-range battle-rifling, he often reverts to his trusty dual-wielding weapon combo, of the SMG/Plasma Rifle variety. A good all-around player, who always gets the shit-end of the stick...y grenade. A constant complainer who feels it necessary to share his pain via the "white button" for all to hear. He is constantly badgering random sucky players that he is forced to team with. He lives up the moniker "The Thin Brown Line of Defense" because if you see that he's the only one in the base and his icon is flashing yellow and red you had better believe that some SHIT is about to go down.
Learn it, love it, and accept it as truth.
-UncleHerpie-
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
I've recently discovered the Google Earth program. It's pretty sweet. It shows satellite imagery of pretty much anywhere on the planet. I've been to Venice, Tokyo, Beijing, Moscow...and many more. I re-visited my Hawaian vacation spots, and even E-spyed on a number of people as a result of finding the program.
If you wish to give me your address, I can try and pinpoint you. I've gotten a few people already.
Also, does anyone here in the MA area want to actually DO something? Something, I dunno, maybe OUTSIDE! Baseball? Softball? Water-sports...(hehehe)? Any ideas...A cookout even! C'mon you fuckers, get with the program!
If you wish to give me your address, I can try and pinpoint you. I've gotten a few people already.
Also, does anyone here in the MA area want to actually DO something? Something, I dunno, maybe OUTSIDE! Baseball? Softball? Water-sports...(hehehe)? Any ideas...A cookout even! C'mon you fuckers, get with the program!
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Not Funny At ALL...
Y'know, not everything I do is comical in nature...You wanted another paper, so here it is, but I warn you, it's not very funny. Or is it?
The Monitor vs. The Merrimac
One of the greatest, and most historic naval battles in the history of mankind, would have to be the famous duel between the Monitor and the Merrimac. This is an important battle, because it was the first time there had been a continuous head to head battle between two opposing ironclad warships. This sparked a new era in naval technology, when it was discovered that ironclad ships were more effective in battle. Although they were not built for speed, and they were not very sea-worthy (most often being towed by a tugboat), they were virtually invincible against the old wooden ships. This battle was the main naval battle in the Civil War. It marked one of the greatest northern victories of the war, attracting much foreign attention.
The Merrimac’s plans were first drawn up by Lieut. John M. Brooke and naval ship constructor John L. Porter, in 1861. The iron plates that were used to protect the ships sides, were prepared at Tredegar Iron Works in Richmond, VA. Like most new ships in that period of history, the Merrimac was powered by steam, not sail. However, most of the warships of the day were still completely made of wood. This now gave the South a distinct advantage over the ships in the far greater navy of the Union.
When word of this breakthrough reached Washington, even though the South was trying to keep the ship a secret, plans were immediately drawn up to build an ironclad vessel of their own, to aid in the defense of the Northern navy. When the contract was made in October of 1861, to construct the ship in New York City, the Union Navy Department intended the ship to be sea-worthy in 100 days. It was supposed to, after reaching Hampton Roads, proceed up the Elizabeth River to the Navy Yard at Norfolk. When there, it was to destroy the dry-dock and the unbuilt Merrimac. But, as history tells us, nothing is ever built on time when your dealing with the Federal Government. The ship did not meet it’s completion deadline, weeks passed on, and still the Monitor was not ready.
The designer of this ship, John Ericsson, made it raft-like in appearance. From bow to stern, it was 172 feet long. From port to starboard, it was 41 feet wide. It drew approximately 10 feet of water. All the machinery, equipment, and the 58 man crew, were below the waterline. The hull was sharp at both ends, which allowed for easier maneuverability. In the center of the deck, was a large gun turret, 20 feet in diameter, and ten feet high. The turret was a revolving, bomb-proof fort. A spur wheel moved by a double cylinder engine, turns the turret. It mounts two 11 inch guns, which are turned with the turret. The turret was reinforced by 8 inch thick iron walls. At the front of the ship, was a small pilothouse. It rose 4 feet above the deck, and was made of heavy iron logs that were bolted together. There was only a narrow slit for visibility. Towards the rear of the ship, twin smoke-stacks rose above the afterdeck. Because the stacks were retractable, they offered no target during combat.
On the contrast, the Merrimac, was about 90 feet longer, had room in it’s hull, which drew 22 feet of water. It held a 320 man crew, in addition to the machinery and supplies. In appearance, above the water, it looked like a giant turtle with a large round chimney protruding from it’s shell. The ironclad shield was pierced by ten gun ports the largest guns being designed for 9 inch shells. It had a cast iron bow, weighing 1500 pounds, used for the sole purpose of ramming an enemy ship. The Southern strategy, was to involve the destruction of all ships, and ports in the area.
After wiping a path of destruction through the Union defenses, the Merrimac directed itself towards one ship inparticular, The Minnesota. The Monitor, after a long voyage, pressed on towards the battle, had a goal which was to engage the Merrimac as far away from the Minnesota as possible. No one knew what the outcome of the impending battle between these two ironclad monsters would be. Even the crew of the Monitor was skeptical of the outcome. The crew was very tired from the long and strenuous voyage, hardly getting any sleep, the ship was almost wrecked twice because of treacherous seas, and the Monitor’s efficiency in combat was yet to be proven. Nevertheless, the Monitor engaged the Merrimac in battle. The crew members of the Merrimac were amazed how effectively the Monitor’s defenses were warding off all shots brought upon it by them. In a desperation attempt, the Merrimac turned towards the Monitor, and shot forward directly at it. The Monitor had no time to completely move from the path of the oncoming ironclad monster. Because of the Merrimac’s poor steering capabilities, it only took a glancing blow off the stern or the Monitor, having no effect on it what-so-ever. As the Merrimac continued in that direction, the Monitor could not follow because the river was to shallow in that area. Soon after, the Merrimac was back for more, and the fight continued. Because of a mishap that occurred, involving the commander, the Monitor was ordered to “sheer off”. The commander thought the pilot house was damaged or destroyed. He was in the pilot house at the time, and was blinded by a bright light, and gun powder. After the crew realized the mistake, they quickly resumed the battle. Now, the fight was in deeper waters, the Merrimac was severely leaking because of the attempt to ram the Monitor, the crew was tired from two days of continuous fighting, and the waves were threatening to ground the vessel, and prevent it from taking off. The Merrimac was in desperate need of repairs, and discontinued the battle. When the commander of the Monitor was sure the Merrimac was not to return, he told the crew to go up to the deck. It was cluttered with ash, soot, and powder. the crew began to cheer on account of the Union victory. It was now official, Commodore Franklin Buchannan of the Merrimac, has lost to Lieutenant John L. Worden of the Monitor.
News of this victory reached all over the world, and sparked a new interest in naval technology. Britain began building ironclad warships, as well as France, Spain, and Germany. This battle effected the war greatly, at the very least, it served as a morale boost for the North. However, it could also be a morale booster for the South, because they took out so many ships of the far superior navy of the Union. What do you think?
*makes fart noise* "Excuse me."
The Monitor vs. The Merrimac
One of the greatest, and most historic naval battles in the history of mankind, would have to be the famous duel between the Monitor and the Merrimac. This is an important battle, because it was the first time there had been a continuous head to head battle between two opposing ironclad warships. This sparked a new era in naval technology, when it was discovered that ironclad ships were more effective in battle. Although they were not built for speed, and they were not very sea-worthy (most often being towed by a tugboat), they were virtually invincible against the old wooden ships. This battle was the main naval battle in the Civil War. It marked one of the greatest northern victories of the war, attracting much foreign attention.
The Merrimac’s plans were first drawn up by Lieut. John M. Brooke and naval ship constructor John L. Porter, in 1861. The iron plates that were used to protect the ships sides, were prepared at Tredegar Iron Works in Richmond, VA. Like most new ships in that period of history, the Merrimac was powered by steam, not sail. However, most of the warships of the day were still completely made of wood. This now gave the South a distinct advantage over the ships in the far greater navy of the Union.
When word of this breakthrough reached Washington, even though the South was trying to keep the ship a secret, plans were immediately drawn up to build an ironclad vessel of their own, to aid in the defense of the Northern navy. When the contract was made in October of 1861, to construct the ship in New York City, the Union Navy Department intended the ship to be sea-worthy in 100 days. It was supposed to, after reaching Hampton Roads, proceed up the Elizabeth River to the Navy Yard at Norfolk. When there, it was to destroy the dry-dock and the unbuilt Merrimac. But, as history tells us, nothing is ever built on time when your dealing with the Federal Government. The ship did not meet it’s completion deadline, weeks passed on, and still the Monitor was not ready.
The designer of this ship, John Ericsson, made it raft-like in appearance. From bow to stern, it was 172 feet long. From port to starboard, it was 41 feet wide. It drew approximately 10 feet of water. All the machinery, equipment, and the 58 man crew, were below the waterline. The hull was sharp at both ends, which allowed for easier maneuverability. In the center of the deck, was a large gun turret, 20 feet in diameter, and ten feet high. The turret was a revolving, bomb-proof fort. A spur wheel moved by a double cylinder engine, turns the turret. It mounts two 11 inch guns, which are turned with the turret. The turret was reinforced by 8 inch thick iron walls. At the front of the ship, was a small pilothouse. It rose 4 feet above the deck, and was made of heavy iron logs that were bolted together. There was only a narrow slit for visibility. Towards the rear of the ship, twin smoke-stacks rose above the afterdeck. Because the stacks were retractable, they offered no target during combat.
On the contrast, the Merrimac, was about 90 feet longer, had room in it’s hull, which drew 22 feet of water. It held a 320 man crew, in addition to the machinery and supplies. In appearance, above the water, it looked like a giant turtle with a large round chimney protruding from it’s shell. The ironclad shield was pierced by ten gun ports the largest guns being designed for 9 inch shells. It had a cast iron bow, weighing 1500 pounds, used for the sole purpose of ramming an enemy ship. The Southern strategy, was to involve the destruction of all ships, and ports in the area.
After wiping a path of destruction through the Union defenses, the Merrimac directed itself towards one ship inparticular, The Minnesota. The Monitor, after a long voyage, pressed on towards the battle, had a goal which was to engage the Merrimac as far away from the Minnesota as possible. No one knew what the outcome of the impending battle between these two ironclad monsters would be. Even the crew of the Monitor was skeptical of the outcome. The crew was very tired from the long and strenuous voyage, hardly getting any sleep, the ship was almost wrecked twice because of treacherous seas, and the Monitor’s efficiency in combat was yet to be proven. Nevertheless, the Monitor engaged the Merrimac in battle. The crew members of the Merrimac were amazed how effectively the Monitor’s defenses were warding off all shots brought upon it by them. In a desperation attempt, the Merrimac turned towards the Monitor, and shot forward directly at it. The Monitor had no time to completely move from the path of the oncoming ironclad monster. Because of the Merrimac’s poor steering capabilities, it only took a glancing blow off the stern or the Monitor, having no effect on it what-so-ever. As the Merrimac continued in that direction, the Monitor could not follow because the river was to shallow in that area. Soon after, the Merrimac was back for more, and the fight continued. Because of a mishap that occurred, involving the commander, the Monitor was ordered to “sheer off”. The commander thought the pilot house was damaged or destroyed. He was in the pilot house at the time, and was blinded by a bright light, and gun powder. After the crew realized the mistake, they quickly resumed the battle. Now, the fight was in deeper waters, the Merrimac was severely leaking because of the attempt to ram the Monitor, the crew was tired from two days of continuous fighting, and the waves were threatening to ground the vessel, and prevent it from taking off. The Merrimac was in desperate need of repairs, and discontinued the battle. When the commander of the Monitor was sure the Merrimac was not to return, he told the crew to go up to the deck. It was cluttered with ash, soot, and powder. the crew began to cheer on account of the Union victory. It was now official, Commodore Franklin Buchannan of the Merrimac, has lost to Lieutenant John L. Worden of the Monitor.
News of this victory reached all over the world, and sparked a new interest in naval technology. Britain began building ironclad warships, as well as France, Spain, and Germany. This battle effected the war greatly, at the very least, it served as a morale boost for the North. However, it could also be a morale booster for the South, because they took out so many ships of the far superior navy of the Union. What do you think?
*makes fart noise* "Excuse me."
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