To start, I would like to thank Nick for illustrating how frustrated he gets when he doesn't get as much gold as he wanted for the arrows he spent 38 straight hours fabricating and assembling. I mean "hell!" these arrows add +4 to your nerd factor, surely 50 gp isn't too much to ask for!
Last week, I was given a suggestion as to what to write about, and I think it turned out pretty funny. So, I wanna take some more ideas for me to rant or comment on.
Not too much this time around, as I am tired from a long day of helping my father get ready to move to VA. Just want to voice MY frustration towards Comcast, for fucking with the Anime Selects portion of their onDemand programming. As many of you may already know, I am...or WAS rather...invested in a number of various anime programs. Alas, comcast decided to revamp the playlists with dumb-ass names like seishun, wasabi, and mad sushi. I don't even know what that crap stands for. It used to be action, comedy, drama, and fantasy...which was cut n' dry. Anyway, the real issue is this: THEY RESTARTED ALL THE EXISTING SERIES AT EPISODE 1!!!!! So, after all the time I spent watching these shows every week was allin vain. Because now I have to wait for weeks and weeks for it to return to the episodes that I was on. To put it in the immortal words of Steve Carell, "blugggebrrrugghhnnnghhhbblllaahh----nnnnn-kkaakaapoopoo."
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Sunday, August 14, 2005
I am The Thin Brown Line...
As per request, let us delve into the inner workings of NudeUnderArmor. I'd say we have a well rounded team at this point. Due to Last Shenanigan's absence, the rest of us have been forced to pick up the slack. Thus far, aside from the occasional shady occurrence, team killing, and outright cheating...we have been up to the task. Especially on Relic...it's a rare thing if we get outclassed on Relic, we seem to have that map worked out just right. At any rate, let's examine the general roles of each semi-active member of the clan.
Last Shenanigan: It would seem that the Halo gods shine down upon him. He is usually in a constant state of Juggernaut settings...until you see him actually become the Juggernaut...then it's just obscene. His roles include sniping, jump sniping, round the corner sniping, sniping through explosions, diversionary sniping, rocketing, grenading, mid-range battle-rifling, melees, assassinations, tank driving(Wraith and Scorpion), friendly fire, friendly grenades, throwing empty weapons at incoming plasma grenades, and a general knack for outright team killing (by team I mean THE WHOLE TEAM). It doesn't matter if you are 98% done arming a bomb and you are on his team...he's going to shoot you in the face with a rocket. To put it simply, he's an asshole.
FlurbyBox: A skilled player who can often be found causing havoc unto the other team. Easily the second most skilled member of the clan. He's generally the secondary sniper, often taking up the mantle for Shenanigan should he care to kill you or others with a different array of weapons. He's a monster mid range battle-rifler, and a general asset to the team. He will often go on a complete rampage and rack up as many, if not more kills than the entire rest of the team. He has become quite skilled with the Scorpion Tank, especially on Containment. He likes his women like he like his chicken...
fried.
Reaper42: The Melee Machine. Due to him adopting the "boxer" settings as a controller scheme, he can usually be found in the midst of about 4 to 8 members of the opposite team. While he will most likely perish, you had better bet your bottom dollar that he's taking a bunch of them out with him. He has perfected the use of the shotgun, and can actually kill an ass-load of people with it...god knows how. His kills tend to greatly outweigh his deaths...unless he's on Terminal...then...well...it's pretty damn ugly...
just like him...har har har
Alerys: "The Runaway Kid" as he's known in some circles. Don't even bother chasing him if you hear him utter the words, "Mother!"...it's all a ploy to lure you in. His goal is to lead you as far through the level as possible, so as to be killed by another combatant. Not that you could catch him anyway, he's a slippery devil with a bullet-proof iron plate in his back. Don't let his cowardly outward appearance fool you, he'll tear you to sheds with a battle rifle. With his recent acquisition of a larger HDTV, this skill is bound to improve. You can never count him out, even if it seems that you will beat him without a shadow of a doubt. He has a 72 foot lunge technique that noone else has perfected, and he will employ this tactic in a last act of desperation. Also, beware of throwing frag grenades at him, as he is also known to shoot them out of the air just as it leaves your hand.
CommieKitty: Well, she's a girl. Yet, she's good at Halo...which is a Video Game...I don't understand it either. Nevertheless, she's a skilled player who seems to play just as well when she's piss drunk as when she is sober. She can often be found chatting up a storm in a private pre-game lobby or even on a map. Because of her popularity, she has some high-ranking friends that enjoy playing with her, thus increasing her rank. Luckily for her, she can back up her acquired rank on any given day. It's obvious to me that she has a thing for UncleHerpie, and wants to have his babies.
BabyHerpie?
BlueSol: Generally known as "Sonic", as it was his original gamertag that he used...to harass, yell at, and generally annoy people into liking him. He can often be found chatting up a storm with CommieKitty. He's a good sniper, even if he often allows the other team to take possession of it. He's pretty competent in a vehicle, as he is often racking up kills in a Banshee or a Ghost. He is easily the Clan-hoppingest Whore there ever was, even putting the infamous Reaper to shame.
GodDuck: *resists the urge to omit him completely* Where to begin? Easily the worst person to ever drive a warthog. He'll run you over, run you down, run into you, run you into a rock, or a tree, and may even run you straight into a wall or off a cliff. He's contantly in your way no matter the circumstance, but he's nowhere to be found when you might need an extra gun. If he's not in your way, then he's apart from the team altogether....more than likely shooting at rocks. He has a general lack of motivation to play, and when he does, he pays little attention to what he is doing. He will return an enemy flag to it starting position after you killed an entire team just to get it out of their base. The sad part of all this is simply: HE WAS AN AMAZING HALO 1 PLAYER!!! I hate you Todd.
Dunbar79: If there is anyone who bitches more than I do...it's Dunbar. Everyone is out to get him, and none of the weapons work for him. Despite his insistence that the shotgun is a useless hunk of scrap metal, he won't hesitate to pick it up and attempt to gun down an enemy at mid-range...while they are plastering him with battle rifle rounds. He runs at about 1/2 speed, and it's even worse if he is holding a bomb or flag. He often complains about not having decent weapons, when in fact, it's just that he doesn't go looking for them. He has not memorized even the original maps that were contained on the disc itself. He can often be found cowering inside a base avoiding the battle altogether...which is just where his teammates want him. The strange thing about it is the fact that he is excellent at Single Player Halo. If he can overcome the bitterness in his heart and the unwavering dissatisfaction in his very core, he will emerge from his veil of hatred and be a decent Halo player.
...full of hate.
I won't bother detailing the extraneous(word of the day) players in the clan, perhaps when they become more active...but they include: Ronnie06, MrGuardo, FroggieZ, KillaKay47, and Edible Mustache
That being said...it bring me to the final member of the clan...
UncleHerpie: Recently deemed "The Thin Brown Line" He is often the last line of defense in the majority of objective games such as Assault and Capture the Flag. While he has become adept at mid-range battle-rifling, he often reverts to his trusty dual-wielding weapon combo, of the SMG/Plasma Rifle variety. A good all-around player, who always gets the shit-end of the stick...y grenade. A constant complainer who feels it necessary to share his pain via the "white button" for all to hear. He is constantly badgering random sucky players that he is forced to team with. He lives up the moniker "The Thin Brown Line of Defense" because if you see that he's the only one in the base and his icon is flashing yellow and red you had better believe that some SHIT is about to go down.
Learn it, love it, and accept it as truth.
-UncleHerpie-
Last Shenanigan: It would seem that the Halo gods shine down upon him. He is usually in a constant state of Juggernaut settings...until you see him actually become the Juggernaut...then it's just obscene. His roles include sniping, jump sniping, round the corner sniping, sniping through explosions, diversionary sniping, rocketing, grenading, mid-range battle-rifling, melees, assassinations, tank driving(Wraith and Scorpion), friendly fire, friendly grenades, throwing empty weapons at incoming plasma grenades, and a general knack for outright team killing (by team I mean THE WHOLE TEAM). It doesn't matter if you are 98% done arming a bomb and you are on his team...he's going to shoot you in the face with a rocket. To put it simply, he's an asshole.
FlurbyBox: A skilled player who can often be found causing havoc unto the other team. Easily the second most skilled member of the clan. He's generally the secondary sniper, often taking up the mantle for Shenanigan should he care to kill you or others with a different array of weapons. He's a monster mid range battle-rifler, and a general asset to the team. He will often go on a complete rampage and rack up as many, if not more kills than the entire rest of the team. He has become quite skilled with the Scorpion Tank, especially on Containment. He likes his women like he like his chicken...
fried.
Reaper42: The Melee Machine. Due to him adopting the "boxer" settings as a controller scheme, he can usually be found in the midst of about 4 to 8 members of the opposite team. While he will most likely perish, you had better bet your bottom dollar that he's taking a bunch of them out with him. He has perfected the use of the shotgun, and can actually kill an ass-load of people with it...god knows how. His kills tend to greatly outweigh his deaths...unless he's on Terminal...then...well...it's pretty damn ugly...
just like him...har har har
Alerys: "The Runaway Kid" as he's known in some circles. Don't even bother chasing him if you hear him utter the words, "Mother!"...it's all a ploy to lure you in. His goal is to lead you as far through the level as possible, so as to be killed by another combatant. Not that you could catch him anyway, he's a slippery devil with a bullet-proof iron plate in his back. Don't let his cowardly outward appearance fool you, he'll tear you to sheds with a battle rifle. With his recent acquisition of a larger HDTV, this skill is bound to improve. You can never count him out, even if it seems that you will beat him without a shadow of a doubt. He has a 72 foot lunge technique that noone else has perfected, and he will employ this tactic in a last act of desperation. Also, beware of throwing frag grenades at him, as he is also known to shoot them out of the air just as it leaves your hand.
CommieKitty: Well, she's a girl. Yet, she's good at Halo...which is a Video Game...I don't understand it either. Nevertheless, she's a skilled player who seems to play just as well when she's piss drunk as when she is sober. She can often be found chatting up a storm in a private pre-game lobby or even on a map. Because of her popularity, she has some high-ranking friends that enjoy playing with her, thus increasing her rank. Luckily for her, she can back up her acquired rank on any given day. It's obvious to me that she has a thing for UncleHerpie, and wants to have his babies.
BabyHerpie?
BlueSol: Generally known as "Sonic", as it was his original gamertag that he used...to harass, yell at, and generally annoy people into liking him. He can often be found chatting up a storm with CommieKitty. He's a good sniper, even if he often allows the other team to take possession of it. He's pretty competent in a vehicle, as he is often racking up kills in a Banshee or a Ghost. He is easily the Clan-hoppingest Whore there ever was, even putting the infamous Reaper to shame.
GodDuck: *resists the urge to omit him completely* Where to begin? Easily the worst person to ever drive a warthog. He'll run you over, run you down, run into you, run you into a rock, or a tree, and may even run you straight into a wall or off a cliff. He's contantly in your way no matter the circumstance, but he's nowhere to be found when you might need an extra gun. If he's not in your way, then he's apart from the team altogether....more than likely shooting at rocks. He has a general lack of motivation to play, and when he does, he pays little attention to what he is doing. He will return an enemy flag to it starting position after you killed an entire team just to get it out of their base. The sad part of all this is simply: HE WAS AN AMAZING HALO 1 PLAYER!!! I hate you Todd.
Dunbar79: If there is anyone who bitches more than I do...it's Dunbar. Everyone is out to get him, and none of the weapons work for him. Despite his insistence that the shotgun is a useless hunk of scrap metal, he won't hesitate to pick it up and attempt to gun down an enemy at mid-range...while they are plastering him with battle rifle rounds. He runs at about 1/2 speed, and it's even worse if he is holding a bomb or flag. He often complains about not having decent weapons, when in fact, it's just that he doesn't go looking for them. He has not memorized even the original maps that were contained on the disc itself. He can often be found cowering inside a base avoiding the battle altogether...which is just where his teammates want him. The strange thing about it is the fact that he is excellent at Single Player Halo. If he can overcome the bitterness in his heart and the unwavering dissatisfaction in his very core, he will emerge from his veil of hatred and be a decent Halo player.
...full of hate.
I won't bother detailing the extraneous(word of the day) players in the clan, perhaps when they become more active...but they include: Ronnie06, MrGuardo, FroggieZ, KillaKay47, and Edible Mustache
That being said...it bring me to the final member of the clan...
UncleHerpie: Recently deemed "The Thin Brown Line" He is often the last line of defense in the majority of objective games such as Assault and Capture the Flag. While he has become adept at mid-range battle-rifling, he often reverts to his trusty dual-wielding weapon combo, of the SMG/Plasma Rifle variety. A good all-around player, who always gets the shit-end of the stick...y grenade. A constant complainer who feels it necessary to share his pain via the "white button" for all to hear. He is constantly badgering random sucky players that he is forced to team with. He lives up the moniker "The Thin Brown Line of Defense" because if you see that he's the only one in the base and his icon is flashing yellow and red you had better believe that some SHIT is about to go down.
Learn it, love it, and accept it as truth.
-UncleHerpie-
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
I've recently discovered the Google Earth program. It's pretty sweet. It shows satellite imagery of pretty much anywhere on the planet. I've been to Venice, Tokyo, Beijing, Moscow...and many more. I re-visited my Hawaian vacation spots, and even E-spyed on a number of people as a result of finding the program.
If you wish to give me your address, I can try and pinpoint you. I've gotten a few people already.
Also, does anyone here in the MA area want to actually DO something? Something, I dunno, maybe OUTSIDE! Baseball? Softball? Water-sports...(hehehe)? Any ideas...A cookout even! C'mon you fuckers, get with the program!
If you wish to give me your address, I can try and pinpoint you. I've gotten a few people already.
Also, does anyone here in the MA area want to actually DO something? Something, I dunno, maybe OUTSIDE! Baseball? Softball? Water-sports...(hehehe)? Any ideas...A cookout even! C'mon you fuckers, get with the program!
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Not Funny At ALL...
Y'know, not everything I do is comical in nature...You wanted another paper, so here it is, but I warn you, it's not very funny. Or is it?
The Monitor vs. The Merrimac
One of the greatest, and most historic naval battles in the history of mankind, would have to be the famous duel between the Monitor and the Merrimac. This is an important battle, because it was the first time there had been a continuous head to head battle between two opposing ironclad warships. This sparked a new era in naval technology, when it was discovered that ironclad ships were more effective in battle. Although they were not built for speed, and they were not very sea-worthy (most often being towed by a tugboat), they were virtually invincible against the old wooden ships. This battle was the main naval battle in the Civil War. It marked one of the greatest northern victories of the war, attracting much foreign attention.
The Merrimac’s plans were first drawn up by Lieut. John M. Brooke and naval ship constructor John L. Porter, in 1861. The iron plates that were used to protect the ships sides, were prepared at Tredegar Iron Works in Richmond, VA. Like most new ships in that period of history, the Merrimac was powered by steam, not sail. However, most of the warships of the day were still completely made of wood. This now gave the South a distinct advantage over the ships in the far greater navy of the Union.
When word of this breakthrough reached Washington, even though the South was trying to keep the ship a secret, plans were immediately drawn up to build an ironclad vessel of their own, to aid in the defense of the Northern navy. When the contract was made in October of 1861, to construct the ship in New York City, the Union Navy Department intended the ship to be sea-worthy in 100 days. It was supposed to, after reaching Hampton Roads, proceed up the Elizabeth River to the Navy Yard at Norfolk. When there, it was to destroy the dry-dock and the unbuilt Merrimac. But, as history tells us, nothing is ever built on time when your dealing with the Federal Government. The ship did not meet it’s completion deadline, weeks passed on, and still the Monitor was not ready.
The designer of this ship, John Ericsson, made it raft-like in appearance. From bow to stern, it was 172 feet long. From port to starboard, it was 41 feet wide. It drew approximately 10 feet of water. All the machinery, equipment, and the 58 man crew, were below the waterline. The hull was sharp at both ends, which allowed for easier maneuverability. In the center of the deck, was a large gun turret, 20 feet in diameter, and ten feet high. The turret was a revolving, bomb-proof fort. A spur wheel moved by a double cylinder engine, turns the turret. It mounts two 11 inch guns, which are turned with the turret. The turret was reinforced by 8 inch thick iron walls. At the front of the ship, was a small pilothouse. It rose 4 feet above the deck, and was made of heavy iron logs that were bolted together. There was only a narrow slit for visibility. Towards the rear of the ship, twin smoke-stacks rose above the afterdeck. Because the stacks were retractable, they offered no target during combat.
On the contrast, the Merrimac, was about 90 feet longer, had room in it’s hull, which drew 22 feet of water. It held a 320 man crew, in addition to the machinery and supplies. In appearance, above the water, it looked like a giant turtle with a large round chimney protruding from it’s shell. The ironclad shield was pierced by ten gun ports the largest guns being designed for 9 inch shells. It had a cast iron bow, weighing 1500 pounds, used for the sole purpose of ramming an enemy ship. The Southern strategy, was to involve the destruction of all ships, and ports in the area.
After wiping a path of destruction through the Union defenses, the Merrimac directed itself towards one ship inparticular, The Minnesota. The Monitor, after a long voyage, pressed on towards the battle, had a goal which was to engage the Merrimac as far away from the Minnesota as possible. No one knew what the outcome of the impending battle between these two ironclad monsters would be. Even the crew of the Monitor was skeptical of the outcome. The crew was very tired from the long and strenuous voyage, hardly getting any sleep, the ship was almost wrecked twice because of treacherous seas, and the Monitor’s efficiency in combat was yet to be proven. Nevertheless, the Monitor engaged the Merrimac in battle. The crew members of the Merrimac were amazed how effectively the Monitor’s defenses were warding off all shots brought upon it by them. In a desperation attempt, the Merrimac turned towards the Monitor, and shot forward directly at it. The Monitor had no time to completely move from the path of the oncoming ironclad monster. Because of the Merrimac’s poor steering capabilities, it only took a glancing blow off the stern or the Monitor, having no effect on it what-so-ever. As the Merrimac continued in that direction, the Monitor could not follow because the river was to shallow in that area. Soon after, the Merrimac was back for more, and the fight continued. Because of a mishap that occurred, involving the commander, the Monitor was ordered to “sheer off”. The commander thought the pilot house was damaged or destroyed. He was in the pilot house at the time, and was blinded by a bright light, and gun powder. After the crew realized the mistake, they quickly resumed the battle. Now, the fight was in deeper waters, the Merrimac was severely leaking because of the attempt to ram the Monitor, the crew was tired from two days of continuous fighting, and the waves were threatening to ground the vessel, and prevent it from taking off. The Merrimac was in desperate need of repairs, and discontinued the battle. When the commander of the Monitor was sure the Merrimac was not to return, he told the crew to go up to the deck. It was cluttered with ash, soot, and powder. the crew began to cheer on account of the Union victory. It was now official, Commodore Franklin Buchannan of the Merrimac, has lost to Lieutenant John L. Worden of the Monitor.
News of this victory reached all over the world, and sparked a new interest in naval technology. Britain began building ironclad warships, as well as France, Spain, and Germany. This battle effected the war greatly, at the very least, it served as a morale boost for the North. However, it could also be a morale booster for the South, because they took out so many ships of the far superior navy of the Union. What do you think?
*makes fart noise* "Excuse me."
The Monitor vs. The Merrimac
One of the greatest, and most historic naval battles in the history of mankind, would have to be the famous duel between the Monitor and the Merrimac. This is an important battle, because it was the first time there had been a continuous head to head battle between two opposing ironclad warships. This sparked a new era in naval technology, when it was discovered that ironclad ships were more effective in battle. Although they were not built for speed, and they were not very sea-worthy (most often being towed by a tugboat), they were virtually invincible against the old wooden ships. This battle was the main naval battle in the Civil War. It marked one of the greatest northern victories of the war, attracting much foreign attention.
The Merrimac’s plans were first drawn up by Lieut. John M. Brooke and naval ship constructor John L. Porter, in 1861. The iron plates that were used to protect the ships sides, were prepared at Tredegar Iron Works in Richmond, VA. Like most new ships in that period of history, the Merrimac was powered by steam, not sail. However, most of the warships of the day were still completely made of wood. This now gave the South a distinct advantage over the ships in the far greater navy of the Union.
When word of this breakthrough reached Washington, even though the South was trying to keep the ship a secret, plans were immediately drawn up to build an ironclad vessel of their own, to aid in the defense of the Northern navy. When the contract was made in October of 1861, to construct the ship in New York City, the Union Navy Department intended the ship to be sea-worthy in 100 days. It was supposed to, after reaching Hampton Roads, proceed up the Elizabeth River to the Navy Yard at Norfolk. When there, it was to destroy the dry-dock and the unbuilt Merrimac. But, as history tells us, nothing is ever built on time when your dealing with the Federal Government. The ship did not meet it’s completion deadline, weeks passed on, and still the Monitor was not ready.
The designer of this ship, John Ericsson, made it raft-like in appearance. From bow to stern, it was 172 feet long. From port to starboard, it was 41 feet wide. It drew approximately 10 feet of water. All the machinery, equipment, and the 58 man crew, were below the waterline. The hull was sharp at both ends, which allowed for easier maneuverability. In the center of the deck, was a large gun turret, 20 feet in diameter, and ten feet high. The turret was a revolving, bomb-proof fort. A spur wheel moved by a double cylinder engine, turns the turret. It mounts two 11 inch guns, which are turned with the turret. The turret was reinforced by 8 inch thick iron walls. At the front of the ship, was a small pilothouse. It rose 4 feet above the deck, and was made of heavy iron logs that were bolted together. There was only a narrow slit for visibility. Towards the rear of the ship, twin smoke-stacks rose above the afterdeck. Because the stacks were retractable, they offered no target during combat.
On the contrast, the Merrimac, was about 90 feet longer, had room in it’s hull, which drew 22 feet of water. It held a 320 man crew, in addition to the machinery and supplies. In appearance, above the water, it looked like a giant turtle with a large round chimney protruding from it’s shell. The ironclad shield was pierced by ten gun ports the largest guns being designed for 9 inch shells. It had a cast iron bow, weighing 1500 pounds, used for the sole purpose of ramming an enemy ship. The Southern strategy, was to involve the destruction of all ships, and ports in the area.
After wiping a path of destruction through the Union defenses, the Merrimac directed itself towards one ship inparticular, The Minnesota. The Monitor, after a long voyage, pressed on towards the battle, had a goal which was to engage the Merrimac as far away from the Minnesota as possible. No one knew what the outcome of the impending battle between these two ironclad monsters would be. Even the crew of the Monitor was skeptical of the outcome. The crew was very tired from the long and strenuous voyage, hardly getting any sleep, the ship was almost wrecked twice because of treacherous seas, and the Monitor’s efficiency in combat was yet to be proven. Nevertheless, the Monitor engaged the Merrimac in battle. The crew members of the Merrimac were amazed how effectively the Monitor’s defenses were warding off all shots brought upon it by them. In a desperation attempt, the Merrimac turned towards the Monitor, and shot forward directly at it. The Monitor had no time to completely move from the path of the oncoming ironclad monster. Because of the Merrimac’s poor steering capabilities, it only took a glancing blow off the stern or the Monitor, having no effect on it what-so-ever. As the Merrimac continued in that direction, the Monitor could not follow because the river was to shallow in that area. Soon after, the Merrimac was back for more, and the fight continued. Because of a mishap that occurred, involving the commander, the Monitor was ordered to “sheer off”. The commander thought the pilot house was damaged or destroyed. He was in the pilot house at the time, and was blinded by a bright light, and gun powder. After the crew realized the mistake, they quickly resumed the battle. Now, the fight was in deeper waters, the Merrimac was severely leaking because of the attempt to ram the Monitor, the crew was tired from two days of continuous fighting, and the waves were threatening to ground the vessel, and prevent it from taking off. The Merrimac was in desperate need of repairs, and discontinued the battle. When the commander of the Monitor was sure the Merrimac was not to return, he told the crew to go up to the deck. It was cluttered with ash, soot, and powder. the crew began to cheer on account of the Union victory. It was now official, Commodore Franklin Buchannan of the Merrimac, has lost to Lieutenant John L. Worden of the Monitor.
News of this victory reached all over the world, and sparked a new interest in naval technology. Britain began building ironclad warships, as well as France, Spain, and Germany. This battle effected the war greatly, at the very least, it served as a morale boost for the North. However, it could also be a morale booster for the South, because they took out so many ships of the far superior navy of the Union. What do you think?
*makes fart noise* "Excuse me."
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