This week I'll be documenting our News page, with stunning, informative articles for all Bungie.net users and casual observers to read.
Keep on Bitchin' Baby!
Posted by UncleHerpie at 5/16/2005 5:15 PM
Here we are once again, celebrating our very own Bitch Thread. Who would have thought that now, on this, the something something of May, in the year...something something, we could look back at over a hundred different bitches. Not just any bitches mind you, but the kind of bitches you could only ever find at like, I dunno...a bitch factory or something.
There's been bitching about names, forum titles, Legendary Chaos, how and why Redstar was and still is a tool, GodDuck and his complete dedication to suckery, Dunbar79's lack of play-time and his sickening proclivity to intense "self-love", Last Shenanigan's exponentially increasing list of betrayals, UncleHerpie's overwhelmingly good looks and how they make everyone feel bad about themselves, Reaper42's clan-whoring, MayHamn being so old that we had to carbon-date him just to be sure he was in fact of homosapien nature, KSI and their cheating ways, more Legendary Chaos, and finally Bungie...and how they just plain suck. Only time will tell what future bitches will spread eagle and grace this ever popular thread, nay, this historic somethingorother of complete social importance and co(s)mic relevance.
All in all, I'd say it's been a good run so far, so let's keep on Bitchin' in the Free World and remember kids:
"If your crapping in a closet, always wipe from back to front."
Thank You, Goodnight
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Bitch Thread 50th Anniversary
Posted by Last Shenanigan at 4/7/2005 4:05 PM
Over the past months the Dusters forums have had a shadow cast over it by one thread and several hundred complaints. The Bitch Thread. Started December 16, 2004 at about 7:40 PM Eastern Time.
The Bitch Thread has battled its way into the hearts of posters everywhere. Born and raised on the bungie.net forums, it has maintained its rich cultural heritage. But, like all young threads "bitch" has had its share of problems. Server downtime, editing, part-time jobs and worst of all, an abusive father that used and abused her way too often.
So how did this sassy young thread turn into a global conglomeration of passion and pure unbridled hate? Many believe its simply luck of the draw, being in the right place at the right time. Acclaimed actress Natalie Portman says "After seeing Apollo 13, what I really want to be is an astronaut. I'm dying to go to space camp next summer!". There are those who think differently though, when asked to comment on his "daughter's" wonderful sucess, all Mr. Herpie had to say was, "I'm going to take a dump in your closet, and wipe my ass onyour pillowcase" "Bitch" , seemingly unphased by her fathers harsh words, simply continued threading.
All disputes aside, today we celebrate the birth and continued dominance of this modern marvel. Arguably the greatest thread in the history of forums and blogs everywhere...one that can be compared to many of the other legendsof this or any time. Things such as the Jackinthebox, the Atom Bomb, and the rake simply pale in comparison.
So enjoy your stay Bitch, and we all hope to be here to celebrate your 100th anniversary.(see above)
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New Bungie Update likely a farce!
Posted by UncleHerpie at 4/1/2005 8:21 PM
Before anyone jumps off the handle about todays update, keep in mind that today IS April Fools Day. If you weren't quite "swift" enough to catch on to this, then consider this your *hint hint wink wink*, so you don't look like an ass-clown. Well, more of an ass-clown than you already do...
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"Your name here"
Posted by Last Shenanigan at 3/19/2005 10:15 AM
So as an act of goodwill, if you feel somehow your chosen forum title doesnt fit you, or you really swear you DONT pick your nose. Then we will be kind enough to rename you and perhaps a few of your family members with better titles. There are a few conditions however
1. It has to be socially acceptable.
2. It cannot be a title thats already taken. Each one of you are specifically limited in what you can do based on your title, and I mean limited.
3. It still has to be approved by the committee of nude spartans.
4. It has to be amusing. If you cant laugh at yourself, we'll do it for you.
I'd like to also point out that if you feel someone elses title should be changed and enough people on here agree with you then well, like it or not we'll change their title to please the masses.
That is except the Jabroni's... you know who you are and you'll never get a break. Even the pope would say your title fits you perfectly.
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Member Roles Updated
Posted by UncleHerpie at 3/17/2005 10:56 PM
Well, the new forum member roles have been updated. If you were ever curious as to how everyone is viewed by Admin King Tut over there or the ever-so-lovable Retard Doom!, now is your chance to find out.
I think everyone will find that their respective title mirrors their personality to a "T".
Don't agree? Too Bad!!!
There's nothing you can do about it.
...jerks.
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Dear Jedi
Posted by Last Shenanigan at 5/26/2005 12:26 AM
(To a rival Clan Overlord)
Dear Jedi,
The war has spilled into our lives. What was once a beautiful arrangement has now turned scandalous. I realize now we can never be together. I regret I missed that one night where our two worlds were one, but I knew you couldn't stay. There are people out there who depend on you, who need you. I was so selfish to think you'd stay. If you believe that it is best for us to not see each other anymore I'll understand, but know this, we will never forget the sacrifice you made for us, and throughout eternity we will believe in your memory. You will always be our Sodomized Locomotive. Be strong my love, and may the force be with you.
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