MOVIE: War of the Worlds - we gave those alien motherfuckers the pinkeye...bitch!
ANIME: Full Metal Panic? Fumoffu - man, it was off the wall hysterical this week
BOOK: The Road to Underfall by Mike Jefferies - starts of kinda slow, but it's getting better.
MUSIC: Michael Duff - former lead singer of the band ChalkfarM
FOOD: Chork Pops - otherwise known as Pork Chops
Well, Andrew decided to take a whole other route with his fish tank, one which I fully endorse. He's packin' that bad mammajamma of a 180gal. aquarium with a dozen...you heard that right...A DOZEN Cyphotilapia Frontosa! I know you're all just as excited as I am...because you're pathetic and fish have become your life. But let's keep the intense outpouring of joy and happiness to a dull roar...it's 2:12 in the morning, and you might wake somebody up. Another benefit of him switching gears in the fish Dept. is that I, as usual, reap the benefits of his impulse decisions. I got some of my good ol' boys to come back home, along with some new additions to the Herpie-Homestead. Sounds great right? Well, unfortunately this is ME we are talking about, and things NEVER go my way. Let me iterate as to WHY this particular situation isn't so squeaky clean with soft and plumpy goodness. To begin with, I gave my big-boy Frontosa to Andrew to put in his tank of bad-asses. Here's the hitch...mine was such a badass, that it beat the living crap out of the nice-ass Frontosa that he already had in the tank. Everything seemed o.k. however, when the other Fronts went in the tank, as he had to dither up his agression. He also probably realized that he doesn't run the show. THAT, my friends is because Bubba Ho-Tep(that one's for you Todd...), a gigantic-ass mongoloid of a beastly looking Frontosa with a humongous lump on his head, obviously runs the show. Anyway, while we are dropping the fish off at MY house, I mistakenly drop a small Lamprologus Lelupi into my baby tank...where THEY proceed to kick the ever-loving ba-jeezus out of him. Thankfully, that situation settled down, and there has yet to be anymore agression. Overall, you'd think I made out for the day...but I didn't. Before I explain why, let me veer off for a sec, and let me tell you this:
My friend Eric is up from Texas, and he is hanging out with Adam. I call them up, and we decide to all go to see WAR OF THE WORLDS. Which is quite a feat, considering it's NOT a digital showing. I won't go into how Adam is the most opinoinatedly stubborn person on the face of this planet...or whatever planet those alien bastrads came from, and how basically getting him to do ANYTHING is a painstakingly brutal chore...no, I won't go into that. But, we arrived in good time, and for ONCE...got good seats. They didn't move the curtains back out all the way, so the movie looked a tad small on the big-ass screen, but by the middle of the movie, I had forgotten all about that. I won't ruin the movie, but suffice it to say, I thought it was pretty damn good. Adam....well....Adam is Adam, and I'm afraid there's nothing to be done about that. I'm not exactly sure what he was looking for in the movie...but apparently he didn't get it. Therefore, there is one clear answer for him..."Fucker." I had one of those giant buckets o' Mountain Dew, and had to piss like a Russian Race Horse about 3/4 of the way through the movie. I held it like any true man would, and then high-tailed it to the little boys room as soon as the credits began to roll. All in all, I'd say it was a pleasant experience, especially because Eric paid for the whole damn thing. BONUS!
O.k., now that that is done with..I'll go back to why the whole fish thing didn't work out. I arrived back home and decided to check on the fish situation...everyting looked fine. I gave all the freshwater fish a little food before "lights out" and went to go check on the Saltines. Immediately I notice that I'm a fish short, at least in view. I check on the floor around the tank to make sure I didn't have a "jumper", he wasn't anywhere to be found. So I begin looking IN the tank to see where he may have gone too and I notice that there is a hole in the net that I was segregating my appropriately named clown fish "Spot." So I began the inevitable moving and turning the rocks to see if he is hiding in them or any of the small caves that are formed between and inside them. And wouldn't cha know it, I found him!!....
...BEING DEVOURED BY MY CRAB!
So goes the neverending "shit-end-of-the-stickosity" that is my life. There is only one thing left to say.
Fuck you Crabab.
2 comments:
Into everyone's life, a little rain must fall. Sometimes it's a little drizzle, others it's a monsoon. Just keep this in mind: It could always be worse. Of course, you could look on the bright side: your crabby had a nice meal....mmm....yummy!
A monsoon pales in comparison to the ever-growing shit storm of my life. Luckily, I can accept it all as comedy. If I couldn't...I'd be in serious trouble.
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